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Old 11-11-2012, 07:45 PM
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Helo Helo is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: California
Posts: 279

Originally Posted by Hades36 View Post
Several of you have suggested that Black people do not participate in polyamory the same way White people do, or that poly "seems" to be a primarily White phenomenon. My point is that, if you do not engage with Black people on a regular basis, how would you even know?
People are speaking from their personal experiences with what they see. I dont think anyone here is extending what they see across the entire community and saying that because THEY only see white people, then only white people must be poly.

If I have to explain what a "Black event" or "Black club" is, then the conversation is already over. Sorry. I'm not trying to educate people about Black culture. Replace the words with "Lesbian club" or "Asian event" or "Poly event" or "Transgendered club" if you like...
Again I dont understand what an XYZ event is. Are you talking about an event that is largely attended by XYZ group, one that is meant specifically for XYZ group?

@Helo: Sorry, but the fact that you are not even willing to discuss patterns of unconscious racism or bias also means that I'm not even sure how we can have a meaningful discussion about race or whether or not we engage or ignore people based on it. Deciding to ignore a huge component of the researched, verified, and scientifically proven phenomenon because it is uncomfortable to deal with completely removes the foundation, at least for me, to have any kind of productive discussion about race. It would be like me telling a woman that I do not believe there is a such thing as male privilege and unconscious sexism but then wanting to talk about gender issues. I'm not trying to be offensive, but I know I can't have that discussion with you in particular, Helo.
No offense taken, I just find the idea of something so mysterious that it cant readily be tested for except by others to be suspect. I'm aware of the research, both from my own reading and what you posted, and I don't see any conclusion other than a bias based on lack of experience that I wouldn't even begin to call racism.

I think focusing on it and trying to legitimize it harms attempts to communicate across racial barriers and reinforces people's reluctance to cross them because they dont want to pick up this invisible disease of "unconscious racism." Its not about what makes me comfortable or uncomfortable, I think the people who advance this as a real phenomenon are taking something that really doesn't qualify as racism and putting it in that category.

Its toeing the borders of the idea that "only white people can be racist because racism implies an imbalance of power and since white people have more power than non-whites, only whites can be racist."

I had not come to any conclusion which is why I was asking the question, but the answers I got definitely confirmed what I suspected anyways. obviously had come to SOME conclusion because you suspected a specific outcome and it was confirmed.

I think you're missing the fact that most of us don't focus on race and, frankly, I think its really unhealthy to have such a forefront focus on race when you're dealing with people because you create a situation where people are so nervous about accidentally doing something to get them called a racist that they don't want to interact with people outside their racial group. It makes problems of racism and bias worse.

As I said, most of us here (I cant speak for everyone) don't focus on race here at all when it comes to partners or people to interact with. You're right, I don't interact with black people a lot. I live in a very heavily Latino neighborhood, there are not a lot of black people around and I'm not going to go looking for them to fulfill some imaginary quota so I get to feel like I'm fighting my unconscious racist tendencies.
I am as direct as a T-Rex with 'roid rage and about as subtle. It isn't intended to cause upset, I just prefer to talk plain. There are plenty of other people here who do the nice, polite thing much better than I can. I'm what you'd call a "problem dinner guest."
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