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Old 12-22-2009, 09:46 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510

Originally Posted by Estar View Post
Dear loving radiance,

I'm very happy to read about your situation and your experience with other poly families. My husband and I have a friend that really wanted a child. He happened to like her very much, fell in love with her (I didn't like this at all, but could see why since she is wonderful). We thought it would be a great idea that my husband and she had a child she would raise with her husband and we, already blessed with two, now three could follow her from a distance. But things change, she is now raising her son alone, together with us, him being with us some day or more per week. We are in an adventure that takes our feelings to places like jealousy, grief and anger next to the positive feelings of love, warmth, caring and amazement. I always wonder how this effects my children I try to be open and tell them about my feelings but also not trying to put the blaim for the negative ones on anyone. For them it's normal that dad loves S also and that M is a brother too. But it is because I am not really happy with this poly thing, I'm a mono, that I often feel a bit wobly when they bring up the subject. I really want to find the key to living this to the full.

Thank you for your words,
Estar-just keep reminding yourself-that you don't have to "be" what someone else is in order to love them for who they really are.

My bf is NOT poly. He's so mono-well he's so mono he makes Mono look less mono! But, he loves me for who I am. He's loved me unconditionally through 17 years of watching me love other men/women.

Feel free to message him (greengecko)if you would like personal suggestions for how he does it-and how he manages to deal with emotions like jealousy and possessiveness. Maca and I are "mommy" and "daddy" for our little one-but Greengecko is her bio-father. Everyone knows, it's no secret. He loves her, but more than anything he loves watching her and Maca interact (his words I'm only repeating them). He found true compersion for that relationship and it's magnificent for me to watch him watching them!

Love is so infinite. When shared it grows. It's not easy to trust in this-but it is true. It doesn't mean you need (or should) fall in love with more than one person. But you can love that one person EVEN MORE if you allow them to be 100% with you. Even the children.

Maca (who has always identified as mono) was telling me the other night-that he shared with Lovely (another poster on here struggling) that when you limit someone to being less than 100% of themselves, you reduce your relationship with them to less as well. But when you allow them to be 100% of themself (even if that means sharing them) then you come to find that they help you create MORE than 100% in your relationship.

Keep your head up-and whatever you do-don't beat yourself up over your emotions. Emotions are there to protect us-they are a biological, animalistic response. It's how we chose to act that is within our control and responsibility!
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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