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Old 11-10-2012, 05:50 AM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,809

- I don't want to push B away. Why mention it at all?
Are you saying you value being with B more than you value your physical safety in relationship? How does you speaking up for yourself and your right to be SAFE in relationship "push him away?"

- It's too late to get the emotional response from B that I would've wanted (how dare you punch her you bastard) as they are meeting happily so it's now out of context. What would I be even asking for?
You would be asking for some respect from B. "Please do not date my assailant while you date me" is a good place to start!

I could make it all go away by forgiving A, only I've lost all respect and he hasn't tried to fight for me back.
You are 19 years old, hon. You do NOT have to be someone's punching bag and "forgive" them just to stay with him or the other. You could choose to leave both and seek healthier relationship(s) for yourself.

Hitting people is NOT ok, and staying with someone who is OK with you being hit? That's not OK either. It is NEVER ok. Do not be tempted to minimize it with "Oh, he was drunk... he did not mean it" or something. Who cares if he was drunk? Why allow himself to GET drunk if his drunk behavior is this way? He is responsible for his behavior. Being free to choose does not mean you are free from the consequences of your choice.

I'd gently suggest you take a gander at

to see if anything else rings a bell that you may have not disclosed. (And you do not have to disclose -- just for yourself, take a look.)

You deserve nice treatment, not poor treatment.

Do not worry about B being "stressed" if you say you want to have a serious talk. Let him own his own emotions. You own yours.

It is not your job to make other people feel good or prevent them from feeling yucky.

It is your job to look after your own mental health, emotional health, physical health and spiritual health.

It is your job to choose how YOU behave. You cannot control how others choose to behave.

They choose how they behave. If they choose behavior that does not line up with your values -- like you value feeling safe? You can choose to walk away from unsafe people.


Last edited by GalaGirl; 11-10-2012 at 06:27 AM.
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