Originally Posted by CielDuMatin
For me it's really important to differentiate between a relationship that is naturally a FWB-type of thing and one where there is an imposed rule (usually set by a different relationship) that it's not allowed to progress beyond it.
I'm not very good at rules (although I am very particular - in general, I like to know exactly what the rules are and the ramifications for breaking them before I make my decision)...and I don't respond well to other people telling me what to do.
I'm much better at "negotiated boundaries" (which allow for re-negotiation) or "current agreements" (which implies some degree of temporary-ness - even if "temporary" = 19 years, as with our original OPP). But feelings
cannot be ruled for/against - only actions
- so a "rule" of FWB-only doesn't really seem work-able. I can agree not to have sex with/spend time with/talk to someone, I can't agree not
to have feelings for them.
I make "rules" for myself (i.e. personal boundaires) which involve how I
relate to others. I tend to break those as well..
(which generally leads to some nice periods of introspection, and, at least in one case, a relationship 2 decades strong).
Semantics is fun, eh?