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Old 11-10-2012, 02:34 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,749

Originally Posted by CielDuMatin View Post
For me it's really important to differentiate between a relationship that is naturally a FWB-type of thing and one where there is an imposed rule (usually set by a different relationship) that it's not allowed to progress beyond it.
I'm not very good at rules (although I am very particular - in general, I like to know exactly what the rules are and the ramifications for breaking them before I make my decision)...and I don't respond well to other people telling me what to do.

I'm much better at "negotiated boundaries" (which allow for re-negotiation) or "current agreements" (which implies some degree of temporary-ness - even if "temporary" = 19 years, as with our original OPP). But feelings cannot be ruled for/against - only actions - so a "rule" of FWB-only doesn't really seem work-able. I can agree not to have sex with/spend time with/talk to someone, I can't agree not to have feelings for them.

I make "rules" for myself (i.e. personal boundaires) which involve how I relate to others. I tend to break those as well.. (which generally leads to some nice periods of introspection, and, at least in one case, a relationship 2 decades strong).

Semantics is fun, eh?

Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (24+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (5+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic girlfriend and BFF
Lotus: "it's complicated"
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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