View Single Post
  #7  
Old 12-22-2009, 03:31 PM
Ceoli Ceoli is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: London, UK
Posts: 900
Default

Breaking up can often prevent those resentments from building. If a person's continued presence in your life is hurtful or toxic, then it's time time to let that presence go. I've only truly "broken up" with two people I've had relationships with. One was the female half of the couple I was dating because I really didn't feel like continuing to dance around her insecurity. The other was a guy that I dated where we remained friends for a long time. However he cut things off when he started dating another girl because he felt the unresolved feelings between us were going to be hurtful to his new relationship. In both cases, there were still positives to be had because it makes it clearer to me what my needs are and how to recognize when they are or aren't being met in a relationship. And it helps me to learn how to ask for what I need more instead of editing myself to preserve a relationship or specific relationship structure over my needs.

I've loved the fact that other people I've dated but stopped dating for whatever reason are still part of my life in loving positive ways. I had a couple of friends that were in a primary relationship together, living together and sharing finances etc...they were having a hard time and were getting more and more unhappy in their relationship. Instead of breaking up, they got their own places and transitioned their relationship to a more secondary style one. They are both still happily together with other primaries now. It was great to see that they were willing to let their relationship be what it needed to be rather than force it into something it wasn't.

Either way, resentment and breakdowns only happen if the people in the relationship let it happen, whether by not recognizing the changing needs, or by disregarding them.

Last edited by Ceoli; 12-22-2009 at 03:35 PM.
Reply With Quote