View Single Post
Old 06-07-2009, 03:12 PM
StarGazer StarGazer is offline
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 30

Originally Posted by Quath View Post
It sounds to me like you are poly since you can see yourself loving more than one person at a time.
I wasn't sure, because the general vibe I got from poly is not just that- but also that you crave being with more than one person/having the option, so a monogamous relationship wouldn't work. I posted my previous situation (with the person I would've liked to also be my partner, which has since passed) on a poly forum, and a person was quite insistent that if I am poly, then eventually I won't be happy with monogamy- and I don't know if that's true or not. There are definitely things I find appealing about polyamory, and if I found the right people it seems like it could be wonderful, but a much bigger thing is that I want my partner involved (not in the relationship necessarily, not as more than friends, but in my life), and if I can't find a way that my partner's comfortable with it- it's not happening.

However, some monogamous people are starting to learn about polyamory just for the communication and relationship advise that is useful for them. (For example, a woman may be jealous of her husband looking at hot women in porn and feel jealousy. Polyamory advise tries to deal with the source of the jealousy like insecurity instead of the sympton by throwing away the porn.)
That is a good thing, and seems healthier. I think a lot of people fall into the trap of htinking that a relationship without arguments is a happy/healthy relationship- so do things like treating the symptom instead of the cause because throwing away the porn is easier than having to tackle the insecurity. The woman is happy because now the porn is gone and she's not feeling the jealousy, the man's probably not totalyl happy, but they avoided an argument- so "everyone wins". More like no one wins, but people can have their own ideas about what makes a situation work.
Reply With Quote