Originally Posted by Helo
Talking to your partner is a big step that is likely to rattle your relationship. I'd be dead sure this is something you want to explore before dropping that particular bomb.
I don't know. In my went-disastrously-sideways experience in opening the conversation (as a poly-inclined person in a monogamous marriage), I probably waited too long and repressed/worried/thought through too much before bringing it up.
In retrospect, "I've heard about this polyamory thing and it kinda makes me curious" might have gone over better as a discussion starter than "please don't freak out, I've done a lot of research and I think I'm poly".
I don't know, because I without a doubt did it wrong, the conversation died, and I'm still in a mono marriage. I just think it might be easier to talk about if framed at first as curiosity/exploration rather than need/conviction.
Hope it goes better for you than it did for me.