Whoa! Back up!
I'm a straight man and I'm poly. Between 1972 and 1980, I had 8 very close female friends and lovers, at the same time, and they all knew each other and that they shared me sexually. Some were even bi or gay themselves, but we were a family. They all, except for the gay ladies, had men other than myself. Two were even married (open).
Between 1980 and 1985, I tried to be monogomous, but failed. My then wife questioned all the partnerless women who would show up at our parties and she finally asked if I was "cheating." I answered honestly, "Yes." I suffered painfully the loss of her in my life.
I didn't know my behavior was 'polyamory' back then. I just thought I had a sexual addiction problem, until I was trying once again to be monogomous. For the past 19 years, I have been trying to live monogomously. All the while, pining away over my past loves. My wife was aware of my past and aware of my vulnerability towards women, so she wouldn't even let me have a male friend during this whole time. I tried to obey, because I was feeling extreme guilt over cheating in my prior marriage. "I would die first before I cheat again," I vowed.
After my son was born in 1994, sex with my wife dropped to once a year. After 1998, I stopped having sex with her altogether. In fact, I'm still sexless to this
day. I thought it was because I was the one who stayed home and raised
James while my wife would work for almost 12 hours a day. Being physically close to my baby son would occationally give me erections, so I spent a lot of time suppressing them mentally and avoiding all situations that hinted of sex, which included my wife.
Living the life of a Martyr didn't work either. Finally, i left, blaming her for not letting me have friends. She found I had joined a few single's websites and accussed me of trying to replace her. I tried to explain to her that I wasn't trying to replace, just find other friends. "Female friends?" was her response.
Well, our divorce is final, now. And now that I've moved back to my home State, I feel strangely free to love my wife again. I still think fondly about the wife I had prior to her. Presently, I am close to three new women besides these two wives. One has a boyfriend, one is solidly married, and the third is soloing it. I still haven't had sex since 1998. In fact, when I do think about sex, the very first thing that comes to my mind is a female, not a male, not a chicken, cow, nor sheep, not a watermelon, nor a soft squoosy avacato. And what do I do when sexual desire becomes a problem? I approach it the way I do every problem. I grasp it firmly in hand and work out a solution. Visual aides? Japanese soft porn. Ooooh, I love sashimi.