The day after the nuclear explosion Skye wanted to talk about it, but I told her I couldn’t right then. She pushed and pushed, via text, ignoring that I told her no, I couldn’t. Then she started calling, both my cell and work phone. More texts insisting that I answer the phone, about how she needed to talk to me, how she needed to talk to me about the kids and I could just hang up if she said anything else. I still said no, told her to send me an email instead. She did. Seven paragraphs about what she wanted to say to me, followed by three sentences about the kids - she felt we needed to talk to Tomato about what happened. Buns meanwhile was getting sent home for her heart acting, the stress of talking to Skye getting to her. I replied back to Skye’s email, and in it agreed that we needed to make arrangements to talk to Tomato. Over text, we talked about it, and us talking. I told her that for us, I needed some positive, non-private interactions first, before I could consider talking with her about everything. Also, that I would be there to talk to Tomato.
When I arrived, Skye immediately pulled me off to talk privately in the bedroom, blowing right past the boundary I’d put in place. She said we needed to talk about what we were going to say to Tomato, insisting on being private, away from Buns, who I’d come there with. Initially, it was ok, we talked about wha to say to Tomato like we were supposed to. But as I was trying to leave, Skye started up trying to talk to me again. Over and over she kept trying to pull me into having that talk that I told her I wasn’t ready for, using every ploy and trick to keep me there. She wouldn’t stop until I finally left the house entirely. Over text, she insisted that I come back so we could talk to Fox, and so I could give Onion a bath. I refused to return until Tomato arrived. We had our talk, Onion got her bath, and the Skye was at it again, trying to get me to stay, trying to pull me into the convo until I again left the house. She wouldn’t let up.
Coming back to the house for visits the next couple of days was awkward, like I didn’t belong anymore. It still feels like that here and there. Skye initially didn’t want me to see the kids at all, but Buns had talked her out of it. So, I was visiting while Skye was gone. Skye and I agreed together that we were both in the wrong when it came to the bomb, and that it was pointless to bicker over who did what to who. It happened, it sucked ass, now move on and clean up the mess. I started to suspect that the agreed on plan to separate and go as friends was in jeopardy. Skye started pushing the “you’re still my husband” line, pointedly mentioning that we were still married and that it bothered her that when I would say that "we're technically married." The agreement, like many before it, was becoming null and void to her.
When I started staying at the house again, Skye stayed away most of the time, which helped me settle back into the place. But the first afternoon she was home, we were back to fighting again. It was Halloween, Skye was angry, telling me how I was throwing everything away, destroying the future of our kids, all because I wanted to fuck other people. Later the same day, she got into with Buns while they went to Skye’s pre-op appointment together, and slamming the door in Buns’s face when they returned. Skye and I did talk that night, and it was ok, but still very tense.
The next day, it got worse again. Skye asked if I would rearrange my weekly date with Buns, to stay with her instead. She was having surgery the next day and she was scared. She said I could do it the next day if I wanted, since she’d be sleeping anyhow. Knowing that Buns was really hurting from what had happened between her and Skye the previous day, I felt bad for trying to reschedule. In my typical fashion when it comes to favors, I tried to negotiate with Skye for something more, an overnight instead of a date. Skye went ballistic. It wasn’t fair, why should Buns get an overnight when all that was being asked was that she swap days, what kind of friend is that, etc. After much argument, it was rearranged to just Friday. The surgery came and went, Skye very much upset about it all day, crying even as they put on the mask. It's a huge deal for her, besides everything else going on. It means no more babies, that she wouldn’t be whole anymore, maybe less than a woman. As evening came on, she and I ended up fighting again. She’d been talking to Buns about how bad she was feeling, how she wished I was staying home. Buns, trying to be understanding, tried to renegotiate the date night with Skye to the next day. Again, Skye was pissed because it was for an overnight instead of just a simple day change. It didn’t matter to Skye that it was almost last minute, that she had really hurt Buns two days before, that this was two reschedules in a row. Skye and I got into it when I found out what was going on. I was angry and frustrated, telling Skye that this is why I have trust issues with her – because she always backs out or tries to worm out of deals or agreements she makes and thinks nothing of it. At one point, Skye got so mad that she started punching and pounding the pillow she had in her lap. It scared me, I’d seen that look before, I knew she had lost control again, just as she had less than a week before. I got out of there, refusing to talk anymore with her until she calmed down. All the comfort I’d build up again about being around her was gone, just like that.
The next morning, Saturday, it was more arguing, more heated discussion over the arrangements we’d made. Buns and I were rescheduled for that night, just a date. We three had also agreed to talk in pairs and then meet that coming Tuesday to negotiate an arrangement for Buns and I to go into a holding pattern while Skye and I worked on trying to get along. Skye was already feeling that it wasn’t fair, and that Buns and I were not being respectful to how she was feeling. I left to the room to take care of Onion, before leaving for a side job. Skye came up beside me and pushed me aside, not gently. Something didn’t feel right. I pushed her from behind with my finger, the same force as she had me, and asked her not to do that again. Skye turned, reached out, grasped my arm lightly, and it happened. Total flashbacks from the week before, panic. I started shaking, asking, telling Skye to let go, not to touch me. Later, I snapped again, overreacting to what I thought was going to be another of Skye’s boundary crossings behaviors. I apologized, for both, via text, and tried to explain what happened and why.
I returned from my date with Buns to get a letter from Skye. It said she gave up, I held all the cards, what she wanted/needed/felt didn’t matter, she was at my mercy. So again, all plans were moot, all agreements void. When she asked me about it, I told her I have no idea what to think about it. No idea what in there is true, what isn’t, that with everything getting changed all the time I didn’t know how long this would even hold water. She pushed some more for me to talk to her, but, I couldn't, I didn't know what to think.
Two days went by like that before Skye picked it back up again via a phone call while I was at work. This time, it was all about the future of our kids, how Buns and I aren’t looking into the future, the therpist we're scheduled to see next week will likely say at least 6mo, 6mo is barely anytime for Buns and I to wait, Skye might be able to be poly again if she can get comfortable, it’s unfair to think anything less that 6mo would do anything, she doesn’t understand that I can’t go through this with her as her husband. Last night, we talked about it some more, and while nothing new was added on Skye's part, I expressed my concerns to her. That making agreements of this type are difficult because of how she is about living up to them, why I need to do this with her as her friend instead of as her husband, etc. Overall, it was one of most calm talks we've had in a while.
Plans for this weekend are a little off the norm. The custom since we first met Busbuddha and Buns is to have them over all weekend. Skye would instead like split the weekend, one day for just her and I, one day with Busbuddha and Buns over, in which she might make herself scarce.
Last edited by Avatar; 11-07-2012 at 10:41 PM.