I don't know where to begin.
I was in a committed relationship with a woman for almost three years until about two months ago when she discovered that I was romantically involved with another woman that I met through work. It started off very innocently, talking through email, meeting for lunches, becoming close friends, but we just couldn't help but fall in love with eachother. She knew I was already involved with someone. We both tried to do the right thing but couldn't help ourselves.
Both women are completely different people with completely different appearances and personalities. My primary is brunette, very curvy and overweight while my new love interest is blonde, slim with an athletic figure so there is clearly an asthetic difference between the two.
I'm in love with both of them and I'm at a loss as to what to do next.
My primary has moved out and she knows that I'm seeing my new interest, but we are still seeing eachother intimately. I am sleeping with both of them. My primary knows that I'm sleeping with someone else but my new interest isn't completely aware that I'm still as emotionally involved as I am with my original girlfriend.
I never imagined that I would find myself in this predicament. I have tried talking to friends and family and I find no useful advice from them whatsoever. Their views are too negative and unrealistic.
I've always been strictly monogamous in nature but I couldn't help but love both of these women. They are unique and different from eachother in almost every way but I find myself more bonded to my primary in some aspects. We're more best friends while I'm more of a lover to my secondary. My primary is younger while my secondary is older.
I find myself torn between losing both of them - my primary has had unconventional relationships with prior partners in the past where she was accepting of him wanting to introduce others into the relationship. She wasn't happy with the way it turned out then, but I'm wondering if she would be willing to allow me to have a extracurricular romantic and intimate relationships.
I don't think my secondary would be willing to share me with another either- I think she would likely be very disappointed that I feel this way. I honestly don't know - I just realized how I still feel for my primary these past three days!
Can someone please help me? I need some advice. I feel as though loving either of them is not enough and that I am only fulfilled with loving both of them. I'm a giver by nature. I love pleasuring them both sexually especially. They have both told me that I'm the most satisfying lover that either of them have ever had so I have that added pressure on top of everything.
I feel as though whatever I do that I'm going to lose either of them. I had never really heard of the term "polyamory" until my primary commented that she never imaged that I'm a polyamorist - a few google searches later and here I am on this forum spilling out my heart and hoping someone has some practical advice for me.
I don't know what I want - on the other hand, I want many things, the usual things that most people my age want, to have my own home, to be wealthy, to have children, and I find that in many ways these things are more easily possible with my primary than my secondary. There are many things to consider, my primary's weight problem, my secondary's age and the fact that she already has a 10 year old daughter.
My head keeps spinning and spinning.
Somebody have mercy and please tell me what to do!