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Old 12-20-2009, 09:33 PM
Chase Chase is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 4

Thanks a lot to all of you. You basically said what I already thought, but reading it from otherr people gives it so much more weight

Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit View Post
If these philosophical conversations had been as deep as you assumed they were, it seems some conflicts would have surfaced long before now - not even on this topic.
Actually, there are points on which we totally disagree. We discuss them, and come to the conclusion that we have very different opinions on the subject. But there have been no conflicts. We simply accept each other's right to have a different opinion.

I'm going to make a wild guess that this girl has some illusions she's attached to yet that life hasn't forced her to abandon & rethink.
There is some truth in this. But she knows what she wants to reach is unreachable, and decides to go as close to it as possible. Maybe she will rethink it someday, but I believe she might have the willpower to live all her life like that.

Originally Posted by Winterfire View Post
S has the right to decide what she wants out of life. You can't debate a person into becoming who you want them to be.
Indeed. But sometimes, you do change people. People I know have changed me in ways I would never have thought possible. I'm not saying you control someone else, but I do believe sometimes people will decide to change because of what you tell them.

She's also got to wonder, even if things did work out now timewise since D is far away, what would happen if you moved to where D lives or she moved back? If you moved, then S would have to deal with a long distance relationship. If D moved, then S would have to split up her time with you. If she's mono, then she'd have a lot of time to fill where she'd be missing you.
This is a good point I had not thought about. I tend to be pathologically optimist and assume everything will be ok. I think this deserves quite a lot of thinking from my part.

Originally Posted by crisare View Post
It hurts a lot when a person you love doesn't love you back in the same way. But that's life sometimes. It happens and it sucks and you move on.
I think this is really what it all boils down to. It sucks, it feels totally unfair, and since I percieve it as unfair, I want to do something about it.

To me, you are missing out on one of the wonderful benefits of being polyamorus. You can still have a deeply loving relationship with this woman without the worry that your other partner will not accept her presence in your life due to fear and insecurity. The exact form of that relationship may not be your ideal but if you truly love her, you will respect her right to determine how she loves and just enjoy the connection that you do share.
I do. And although that connection is not of the sort I wish it were, it still brings me joy.

The thing is that, although I am happy that there is that connection, I can't help but hope for more. And I fear that, as time passes, this hope might turn into grief as things never change. And I just don't want that to happen.

Thanks again for all your answers, you're really awesome people.
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