Originally Posted by AudentesFortunaJuvat
How do you ever get to the "good" place, does anyone ever with these situations? I've read so many entries in this site, I want to be that person, I want to be the person that understands my friend's need to talk to all these people. The jealousy in my part is too much.
You seem (verbally at least) so sure that love is not what you feel or want to feel - you just have a big dose of jealousy/insecurity you are trying to deal with. I wonder if you realize that equating the desire to be involved with somebody, but not feel love and to be lustfully obsessed with them...and the stories you read here to be conflicting, because polyamory means open to being loving towards more than one person. Maybe that is why you can't reconcile what you are going through now with finding peace or truly helpful advice on this forum, because here there isn't the specific niche support you really need right now?
I don't know how this visit will turn out, and I hope it turns out well. My suggestion is to have aftercare lined up. Have a plan for if things don't go well, or if for YOU think it goes well and she doesn't feel the same. Have plans and outings and hobbies scheduled for a couple weeks after you get home, because I imagine from what you have been saying that there's a possibility that if it doesn't go well it might be very traumatic for you emotionally with the other things you are still working through. Of course there's a good chance you might just visit and realize you aren't that interested, or that meeting her puts things in perspective and you realize you aren't so negatively affected by her other partners, but I will say that your recent posts have made me really want to suggest you have a follow up plan in place since this isn't explored territory for you.
Hmm...I was saying more but I've decided to hold off.