She accepted that offer. I wrote a letter to Crush to this effect, detailing him what was going on, and that I was glad she had him to take this journey of self discovery with. And, should it become something more, I would be happy for them as well. Skye and I went to visit our quadmates, to fill them in. It was sad, as this meant the end of the quad. But all through, it was about sticking together as a family still. Skye brought up the hope that we could all live together some day, she down in the bottom area of the house and the three of us together upstairs. For a separation, it was pretty good overall, but I wish Skye had personally, officially, and individually broken up with Buns and Busbuddha instead of leaving it to them to assume because of the demise of the quad. And that’s how it started, all sad, but hopeful, and wishing Skye good luck on her journey. This was the 22nd of October. With all that has come after, I’m a little startled to see what a short time ago that was.
Two days later, a nuclear bomb exploded. Skye and I hadn’t been having a good day. That afternoon didn’t get better, with a shouting match between us, followed by us picking at each other via text. I learned later that Buns had gotten a hint of what was to come, but she didn’t think Skye was serious. Skye and I had words again later, where she again went off about not being poly and how she didn’t think I was either, I just wanted to fuck a lot of people, I was throwing away my marriage and my kids. It wasn’t pleasant. I had a meeting to attend with Tomato, so I was out for a while. Skye wanted me to leave her alone, so when I got back, I did. I was in bed, just about to start writing in my journal when she it happened. Skye came in all pissed off that I hadn’t spoken to her at all since I’d gotten back home. She said she couldn’t do this anymore, she’d have to find another place to stay. I told her fine, go. Then it happened. Shit was fucked up. It was physical. It got verbal. I know I should have walked away when it first started, but in the heat of the moment, I could barely maintain control enough to make my retaliation verbal only. It was easily the worst 20min of my life, which has left us both with some emotional scars. When it was over, Skye and I both started contacting people. I was expecting the cops to show up at any moment, so I took pictures and sent them off to a safe place. Buns was pissed at both of us for being so stupid and jeopardizing our family, Busbuddha was in shock. I was in shock. Buns had me leave the house and come to their place, where I stayed for a few days. Coming back to the house for visits was…awkward, like I didn’t belong anymore. Still feels like that here and there. Skye and I agreed together that we were both in the wrong, and that it was pointless to bicker over who did what to who. It happened, it sucked ass, now move on and clean up the mess.
Since then, it’s been a rollercoaster. That plan we had, about separating, being friends, learning to be ourselves again, and seeing what happens? Yeah, well, Skye doesn’t seem to want that now. Claims she never wanted it, that I forced her into the whole thing. More proclamations on how she’s mono, how it’s not fair, how it hurts her, and more of anti-poly stuff. Mostly, the anti-poly remarks come up after she’s been out with Crush. Not sure if that’s his doing, winding her up, or what. Baffling is that she’s also expressed interested in still having a friends with benefits thing with Buns. Skye doesn’t see that as being non-monogamous as “it’s different” when it’s two girls. She’s been pushing the “You’re still my husband,” line, how it will always hurt her to see me with Buns, know we’re together and in love. (Note, she claims to have never been told about Buns and I until after the separation.) But each we make a plan or agreement, or reaffirm one, it doesn’t last more than a day or so. Most recently, the same night or the night after we arranged to have a sit down to negotiate what would be a pause for Buns and I, while Skye and I did some couples therapy, Skye gave me a letter, saying she gives up. What she wants, needs, and feels doesn’t matter, she’s financially bound to me, so whatever I want is ok, I hold all the cards, and she’s at my mercy. Frankly, I still don’t know what to think of that.