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Old 11-06-2012, 01:38 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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I think you are indulging in self-pity and melodrama for no reason. Shake it, man! For your own sake, you've got to snap out of it and wake up.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AudentesFortunaJuvat View Post
Every time we talk I am reminded I'm not the only one. Not even close. There is always someone else, someone new.
And? So what if there is? Why does that bother you so much? You want to own her? Own her time, her body, and be the focus of her life? Why so fixated on that?

Quote:
Originally Posted by AudentesFortunaJuvat View Post
. . . how can she possibly pay attention to so many? With her it's the first person I know for a fact that if she is not talking to me, she is not thinking of me. Yet here I am, thinking of her constantly.
Well, you gotta stop that. And realize that she may not be thinking of you every minute of every day because she is a well-rounded person with a full life and many interests. So what is your excuse? It isn't just other guys she is thinking about, I'm sure.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AudentesFortunaJuvat View Post
I wish the sex had never gotten involved, which lead to this neediness and co-dependency.
You have a choice to let go of your old societal conditioning and addictive neediness. It isn't her fault that you feel this way and it isn't the fact that you had sex with her. It is a pattern of thought process that you unconsciously engage in, so keep looking at this and stop it before it takes hold. Become aware and you have more choices. You don't have to feel as tortured as you do, but it's up to you to get yourself free of it. That is why waking up and examining where these thoughts and feelings are coming from is so important.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AudentesFortunaJuvat View Post
She can return to her family and her other friends. She'll be ok. How about me? I have nothing to return to.
More melodrama. Nothing, no one, an empty life when she's not around. And whose fault is that? This is worse than a sappy country song. Do you see how you are putting yourself through the wringer? Why? What do you get out of this pity party? Does suffering make you feel more alive?

Quote:
Originally Posted by AudentesFortunaJuvat View Post
I'm willing to suffer for 2 weeks of her total attention. Is that sick?
No, not sick. But you do seem addicted to drama and struggle. And is it possible you are just trying to recreate the closeness you had in your marriage, which is making you get attached too soon and far too deeply?
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 11-06-2012 at 01:41 AM.
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