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Old 11-05-2012, 09:24 PM
LoveBunny LoveBunny is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Florida, USA
Posts: 466
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NYCindie:
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Well, I think there are all kinds of personality types that can work with a polyamorous arrangement.
Good to hear. I feel like I keep encountering the same type, though mostly when I was younger.

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I did find some of your description about how she lives and how you feel about it to be judgmental and a bit vicious.
I'm not judging her or anyone. I'm in no position. I'm just describing how some of her behaviors or things she says make me feel. For the record, I think she's amazingly brave and I love that she lives by her own rules.

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just a note from someone who also prefers casual parameters to my relationships: just because the structure is casual does not mean there is less meaning or caring.
That is very helpful to hear.

GalaGirl:
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It sounds like you want to date and eventually end up in some kind of committed maybe polyfidelitous open relationship model?
Right now I'm in a period of evolving/changing, but when the dust settles, I can see myself in a passionate life partnership with either a female or male, with some openness for other lovers. I also don't discount the idea of two or three life partners. I guess my current relationship style is "undergoing construction."

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It sounds like you broke monofidelitous agreements with your husband by starting up with a woman
My husband used to be open to me being with girls, and we even had threesomes with my ex boyfriend. Years later, he decided this was unacceptable, and I tried to roll with that and succeeded for many years. I wasn't looking to open our marriage, wasn't looking for this woman but she and I were just electric. I spoke to husband before I did anything. He reluctantly gave permission, and I took it. He tried to be ok with it, but he isn't. "Affair" is in quotes because its his word, though I never went behind his back for one second. I'm aware this is not the ideal situation for either of my relationships to work, but its what I've got to work with.

Where I'm at with husband: The spark has been gone for us for years. He has stagnated in his career and personal life and closed himself off using a loop of work, t.v., and booze. The bright side of all this is that he has realized how unengaged he's become and he is starting to work on that. This date he's made with this random girl has boosted his confidence, which is why I approve. We agree that we need to separate for a while, soul-search, but we still care deeply for each other and want to enjoy our remaining time together before we extricate ourselves financially and he moves to another city, probably a few more months. We are still intimate because it feels good and makes us feel connected to each other. He and I will discuss divorce at a later time, after a trial separation.

Where I'm at with lover: I want to understand her as she is, and I don't want to be clingy. But I'm gaga about her and very needy right now. Also, there's extra pressure on the relationship because it affected my marriage--though certainly bigger factors were at play. I would like more of her time, though I feel she'd rebel if I asked her. I wouldn't dare ask for a commitment. We've only been dating 3 months, and under trying circumstances.

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what kind of feedback do you need from the forum to best help you?
Great question. I'm hoping for advice or at least comisseration for an intense person who gets very attached who is trying to step into a new life beside someone whose relationship style is more casual and independent.

Thanks for your help and understanding.
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