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Old 11-05-2012, 08:37 PM
AudentesFortunaJuvat AudentesFortunaJuvat is offline
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 16

How do you ever get to the "good" place, does anyone ever with these situations? I've read so many entries in this site, I want to be that person, I want to be the person that understands my friend's need to talk to all these people. The jealousy in my part is too much. Every time we talk I am reminded I'm not the only one. Not even close. There is always someone else, someone new. Never mind the logistics of time, how can she possibly pay attention to so many? With her it's the first person I know for a fact that if she is not talking to me, she is not thinking of me. Yet here I am, thinking of her constantly.

I'm surprised I haven't destroyed this yet. Really surprised. A few years ago I would have driven her away in no time. But I have controlled it. I deal with the jealousy within me and never show it to her. I journal, I talk to others, I leave her be. I do care about her. I wish the sex had never gotten involved, which lead to this neediness and co-dependency. The friendship was fine. I feel this friendship has an expiration date. We'll meet, we'll have a great time, I know that, but then what? She can return to her family and her other friends. She'll be ok. How about me? I have nothing to return to.

And you know what? No matter what, no matter what anyone tells me, I'm still meeting her. I have to. I want to. I will regret it for the rest of my life if I don't. I'm cynical. I know a year from then I'll be over the heart break. I'm willing to suffer for 2 weeks of her total attention. Is that sick?
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