[nycindie]

Well, I think there are all kinds of personality types that can work with a polyamorous arrangement. It just takes knowing oneself, understanding or being willing to discover what makes one happy, and finding the best relationship structure in which to express yourself and how you love.

There are many people who want very close, committed relationships in poly, just as there are many who prefer more casual relationships. It may simply be that she is not a match for you as far as her style of conducting multiple relationships goes, even though you are obviously strongly attracted to her.

I did find some of your description about how she lives and how you feel about it to be judgmental and a bit vicious. I think you are hurting and lashed out with some very sharp words about her. Perhaps you placed unrealistic expectations on her, since she likes things more casual than you do (just a note from someone who also prefers casual parameters to my relationships: just because the structure is casual does not mean there is less meaning or caring. I love easily and deeply, too, but I like to keep things loose). You may need to pull back and not date her for a while, and reassess whether or not you really are ready to be involved in multiple relationships or with a partner who is involved in multiple relationships. Take stock of your thought process about being involved with her and see if you can notice those venomous comments you made and where those judgments are coming from.