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Old 11-05-2012, 04:10 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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All the stories have in common my feeling like I don't want her thinking she's more important than me. I wondered if this was a feeling other people have had. It's that I don't want her thinking she's special to him, to be completely honest. And this is me digging into the darkest, most embarrassing parts of myself to admit this.
Shining a light in dark corners is part of growth. I have my "oh, so very human" moments that are cringey.

Is anything here helpful to you? Are you doing all of page 5? Does he do page 6?
http://www.practicalpolyamory.com/im...ed_10-6-10.pdf

You really cannot control what she thinks. What's that desire to control her thoughts speaking to?

You worried about being "less than" is a theme -- what does that speak to?

Accept this is personal suckage -- shining a light in dark corners. But we all have those corners. And you own both the light and the dark.

I don't know if this helps... but "Namaste" could mean something like "The Light in me sees the Light in you." A recognition, a salute. A salutation.

I was struggling this summer with shining light in dark corners of my own and DH summed it all up in that way he does. I love him for this.

He listened to my cringey, nodded and told me "Ok. So you are human. Guess what? The Dark in me sees the Dark in you. Namaste. I salute your Darkness in the name of Light."

I stared at him mouth agape and then I started to laugh and I felt uplifted, validated, reassured, loved, and all kinds of others emotions bubbling up.

"Great. We have "Namaste" and "Namaste, dammit!" now." I joked.

I knew I was being only human and that it was ok. I guess what I was struggling with was "I need to be SEEN! See me!" and articulating the need to be validated as such. I am human, I have those human moments. There!

I just didn't know I needed that until I got it from him and I felt better hearing him say it to me.

This weekend we passed a car and he started to laugh and nudged me. "Look inside." And I peeked in the car window and a bumper sticker on the glove compartment read "Namaste, bitches!" and I grinned. I don't know why the car owner liked it, but I know why DH and I were amused!

So in case that is your need right now...

I see you.
I see you.
I see you.

Namaste. Light and Dark, Dark and Light.

The human condition is a trip!

Shine on.

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 11-05-2012 at 04:15 PM.
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