So I was involved in many open relationships with men, women, and couples in my twenties which fell apart, mostly because I always got too attached and couldn't handle it, or I felt not attached enough and I got bored. Now, at age 40, after 14 years of monogamy with my husband, I find myself back on the roller coaster, dating a force-of-nature woman who identifies as poly. Besides me, she currently has two male lovers.
My husband and I will soon be separating, as he cannot handle my "affair" and demands my utter sexual faithfulness. The fact that am I bisexual and always have been will just have to be stuffed away forever, according to him. In the meantime, until we untangle ourselves, we've decided to enjoy each other's company and maintain our intimacy. He has even asked another girl on a date, and I am totally fine with that.
My problem is that my sweet girl lover flashes hot and cold so fast sometimes she leaves me spinning. I am deeply attached to her (enough that I destroyed my marriage just for the freedom to be one of three people in her bed.) She is extremely focused and passionate when we're together and talks about being with me for a long time, but sometimes she just dissapears and seems to feel blase about me. I feel like nothing I do affects her happiness. She experiences no jealousy, no burning desire to be with me, she is just as happy going out with some guy she met on the bus as she is spending time with me. I am extraneous to her happiness while, at least at this time in my life, I'm ashamed to say she's intrinsic to mine. I feel like could tell her goodbye, I'm going back to my husband, and she'd feel about as much regret as if she lost her favorite sweater. Of course, she claims this isn't so, that I rock her world, but that's usually when we're in bed, so I take it with a grain of salt
I think back to my poly relationships in my twenties, and I'm sure I've fallen for this type before. I am sure I am capable of loving more than one person, and of sharing a person I love, but I am incapable of casualness. I am intrinsically passionate, connected, and I love very deeply, fully, and with abandon. I wonder if I'm not just plain old too intense to suit the poly personality. I love the idea on non-monogamy, but I seem to demand more attention than most poly people are willing to give one lover. Any thoughts? Anybody else in the same boat?