I can relate to wanting to 'please' people, as I have a great deal of difficulty voicing what I want or need. I am at my happiest when others are happy, which has had great rewards as well as downfalls. I would hate to think of myself as a total 'doormat' but the truth is that much of the unhappiness in my life has been because of fear of confrontation and not speaking up when I should have. I have been estranged from my parents, lost friends, and fallen into depression only to surface on the other side a wiser, if perhaps more cynical, person.
This past summer, much to the displeasure of my husband, I embarked on a trip by myself. I have made some online friends in the past year and wanted very much to meet them. My husband and I had also been 'drifting' and although not unhappy, just seemed too comfortable in old habits. I was terribly lonely at times as I travelled through several US states, but I learned more about myself than I ever imagined. When I returned, our previous discussions about doing something to 'revive' our marriage turned to polyamory. We already had a 'swinging' type agreement that had never been acted upon, but now we were ready to discuss what we now understand to be polyamory.
Now that I have a boyfriend in addition to my husband, there is a balance emerging. While some might consider having 2 men to be 'selfish', nothing could be further from the truth as I'm sure many of you understand. Although having them both in my life is something I want, more than anything, I've learned to temper my wants with their needs. I'm speaking up more than ever, while still being very considerate of all concerned. For me, it's been realizing what I want, then figuring out how to make it work. It doesn't always work, and I can accept that. Because I'm happier than I've ever been. I'll take the wins and losses and strike the best balance I can, in life, in work, with family, with every relationship. Out of all the pain and frustration over the course of my life, it's all lead to this time, this moment, with these people in my life. And I wouldn't dare change a thing.