New and Jealous
There's a lot of information on here and I'm very new, so even just links to previous advice posts would help.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a while. I'm bisexual and he's straight. About 2 or 2 and a half years into our relationship, we starting having frank and open conversations about our sexuality. Before, we had felt we couldn't be as open about being attracted to other people because we felt it might hurt the other person. But we soon realized it didn't have to mean that at all, and I suggested we try to get a girlfriend.
We're both sweet and empathetic people. Compersion in the basic sense, happiness for your partner's happiness is something we have a lot of. When we met a girl at a music show and she was into me, it was so cool. And I was so happy when she and him kissed. I was happy for him and excited about the possibilities. She later decided the lifestyle wasn't for her.
This summer, we got into a fighting phase that was mostly miscommunication (you know how it goes). This girl in our friend group was burning through the men like fire, and started to flirt with him, massively. I found out about all this because I accidentally read a text to him. Yes, accidentally, although after I saw that first text I couldn't stop reading. All the little smiley faces made me sick and I felt betrayed. So much more so than if he had done sexual infidelity. The girl was a skank and he stopped it with her before it went anywhere, and we both decided that we just needed to forgive each other completely if we were going to move on. And we did.
Which leads me to right now. Because he had never been with another girl besides me, I had given him "permission" to be with other girls before at various times, such as when I was out of town on his birthday. He never did it. This weekend, he went out of town with friends to a show. Beforehand, he shaved everywhere, got a haircut.. and we hadn't talked at all about him being with another girl. I talked with his friend the night before they left and jokingly set up ground rules for the weekend "No jail, no stds!". Well, apparently he got with some girl there. I suppose I shouldn't feel jealous but I do. I feel.... nervous. Just like I did when I was finding all those horrible texts on his phone. He answered every question I had about the whole thing though, and we hugged me, and was really concerned about me being angry or upset. And.... I'm not. I think. But I'm feeling nervous.. anxious.. a little jealous but I suppose mostly scared.
How normal is this? What would do in my situation?
Do you think I'm ready for a polyamorous lifestyle?
I feel like a lot of the innocence and beauty of a triad was ruined by the emotional "cheating" and I don't know if that's something people just past eventually or if I would be dishonest to say I still feel polyamorous.
The idea of a girlfriend still seems good, and the idea of us being together and sexual and emotion together seems good, so.... i guess, I just don't know what the problem is?
Is it because I feel like he wasn't completely forthcoming with me? Is it because I feel left out? Is it because I am possessive or jealous or still hurt from the summer?
Thank you, in advance. I can't sleep so hopefully someone can help!