Thread: User Guidelines
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Old 12-20-2009, 04:35 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,188
Exclamation User Guidelines


The site was launched to provide a place for folks interested in polyamory to get together and talk about it. Whether a person has long experience with polyamorous relationships or has just recently come to consider the possibility, this site is intended to serve as a repository of information about polyamory, written by the very people living in polyamorous situations on a day-to-day basis. Discussion of issues common to most relationships, odd situations encountered by some, reports of things that didn't work out, and explanations of what things are known to work, along with idle chatter about daily living are what can be found here.

These guidelines are offered to provide guidance on how to use this site and interact with other users in a reasonable fashion. We, the moderator staff, would prefer that every user participate without incident, though we understand that when groups of people get together, some conflict between personalities is bound to arise. Disagreement--and dislike--are unavoidable, and we offer these guideline to help users participate in such a way that we don't have to censure them or remove them from participating.

The guidelines are broken into sections, with each major section being posted separately. We'll suggest reading them prior to posting on the boards, as these provide the boundaries within which discussion happens here. We cover a lot of ground herein, though we can't cover every possible situation that could conceivably arise. We hope to offer more than enough information that almost everybody can figure out what is acceptable and what is not while using the site.

What Is Polyamory?

What is this polyamory of which we speak? What is it that leads us all to gather on these discussion boards to share and discuss and debate?

There are many different takes on exactly what polyamory is. We offer up a working definition that governs what we find to be on topic for this site:

"Polyamory is the practice of ethically engaging in multiple, concurrent, intimate, romantic relationships."

Polyamorous relationships are ethical, in that they require everybody involved--including people who have only one partner, themselves--has knowledge of the additional relationships and consents to the existence of those relationships.

Polyamorous relationships are those that involve at least one person having more than one partner, or being open to having more than one partner (if not involved with multiple partners currently).

Polyamorous relationships are intimate, meaning that there is some depth to the bond and it's more than just a casual fling.

Polyamorous relationships are romantic, with the notion of romance indicating whatever fashion it is that individual people bond with those most dear to them.

Polyamory does •not• include the following:
• Swinging (the garden variety involving NSA sex)
• One night stands
• Fuck buddies
• Friends With Benefits
• Cheating on a monogamous partner

There are a couple of situations that could be argued to be polyamorous that we believe don't quite fit within the boundaries we observe here and are best discussed elsewhere:
• Polygamy as practiced by fundamentalist religious groups
• BDSM households with multiple members

Note: Folks can swing *and* have polyamorous relationships.

Look for a corrollary thread expanding on the discussion of what polyamory is. We won't put the entire discussion here in the guidelines, just in the interest of brevity.

When Creating An Account

We suggest most strongly that you not use your real name as your username. We don't require the use of an alias, so you are free to use your name if you wish. We just don't recommend it.

We've had many folks get on here and use a recognizable name, begin discussing the specifics of their interactions with various partners, and then realize that they've exposed themselves and their lovers to identification by people they didn't really want to find out about the relationships…. The members hadn't been out to family or friends and realized that somebody could easily identify who it was that was posting.

Also, keep in mind that accounts are essentially permanent. A user cannot delete an account, once it's created. The only thing this site has to offer is what users post. Removing an account would remove the content added with that account. A user can walk away and abandon an account--just not show up and participate any more--though he or she can't remove what's already been posted. The words, like diamonds, are forever (though often not as sparkly).

We expect that each account represent but a single person. We understand that couples may wish to embark on a poly journey as a unit and thus want to share an account. That can make for some awkward discussions as the person posting under a username changes from post to post. We have some accounts that have been used by a couple--and those folks may continue to use those accounts as long as they make it clear which person is posting--though we want all accounts to be used by a single person.

We prohibit sockpuppetry, which is creating an additional account by which to post. It usually is done for the purposes of trolling, offering agreement with statements made from the original account (in a twisted effort to gain some sort of "support," it appears), or carrying on fake, weird arguments between the two accounts in threads. So, if there are two accounts sharing a single computer, please make certain to never appear as if some sockpuppetry is happening--we'd hate to have to remove both users because one chose to behave poorly.

Finally, this is an adult site. All members must be at least 18 years of age. This is not to indicate that adolescents shouldn’t be interested in or practicing polyamory, just that the adult nature of some discussions may fall afoul of legal restrictions in some jurisdictions if minors are involved.

With that out of the way, we welcome you to the discussion boards!
When speaking of various forms of ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.

Last edited by AutumnalTone; 10-22-2012 at 05:52 PM.
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