ON POLYAMORY 101 AND AN ABUSE VENT
Article o' the week was Polyamory 101.
It was a short easy read. Nothing we did not already know. DH said it would be nice as an overview to a book and then later go deeper into each chunk. I don't know that Anita Wagner is planning a book or not but I like her writing.
We both liked the article as a basic overview thing. Plain and simple. That's a good thing.
That said? It's was kind of weird reading for last night given the circumstances. Like one end of the spectrum to another.
I basically had a good but tiring day. DH was so tired he came home to crash after work while kid and I were off to hang with some friends. When I got home I was looking forward to getting the kid into bed and then later spending time with DH. When I walked in the door and the phone rang? I just KNEW it was Abused Friend. Some feeling I had.
I was right, but I didn't guess it was going to be like THIS!
She sounded terrible! She told me that she told her estranged husband that evening that it really is OVER (again) and he went bonkers (again -- second time) and was making a scene on the street. RIGHT THAT VERY MINUTE!
I won't detail the rest. I don't want to write too much about my friend's personal drama unfolding. I don't want to put her at risk as she sorts her life out. But my experience of it? Surreal!
It was a strange experience for me "holding her hand" via phone while the whole thing was going down. She had to hang up but then called back later to tell me he went away...for now. I am really worried for her. She's got to deal with ongoing creepy from estranged man. Ugh.
DH tells me he doesn't think the guy is more than bluff. Which is bad enough at verbal abuses but still. He thinks she's safe. He also says he thinks this guy is behaving all kinds of wrong
-- it is NOT his business any more. What she does or does not do is HER business. They are OVER as a couple and it's just sorting out legalities at this point.
I tell him "I sure hope so. This is one time where I want to be SO WRONG. But the leaving time is the dangerous time." I want to believe she is safe but I cannot know.
Extreme jealousy is fucking scary. I told her I worry and WHY. She knows the leaving time is the hardest time.
So it was pretty weird to be reading such a basic article last night on opening up right at bed time with DH after catching extreme weird by phone shortly before. The article doesn't touch the impact of extreme jealousy
and it doesn't really have to in such a basic article. But I do wish articles on jealousy did include warnings on extreme jealousy and how to recognize "normal jealousy" from "extreme jealousy."
Hell... Do NOT abuse! Teach abuse recognition! Learn to recognize abuse! Society as a whole could improve on doing this.
It was him
who brought up the Opening Up thing to her too. How's that for taking the cake? He is the one that wanted to open and trips out when she handles it better? Ugh. Was it supposed to be some kind of "test?"
I'm worried. I really hope his extreme jealous does not go to the place of "If I cannot have her, nobody can!" Scary. I called her today and she says she's as best as can be under circumstances. I'll call her again later to check in. Things are very tense for her.
Argh. I HATE THIS.