I really do not understand your situation. It is very unclear.
You are in a "sort of" quad... what does that mean? Who is "sort of" and who isn't?
You don't get along with either your metamour or your OSO. If you don't have a good time with your OSO, then why are you involved with her? End it.
Are you involved with the OSO not because you want to be but ONLY because your primary is involved with your metamour? That is just ill-advised and bordering on insane. Is it just that you will only date other couples as a package deal? That basically just leaves it all to a sex-based arrangement which -- of course -- can only be unsatisfying emotionally. I say, let your primary have a relationship with whomever feels right for them, and you find someone else whose company you enjoy, who you feel moved to be with, are attracted to, and who treats you with kindness and respect. Package deals forced on people who don't even really like each other are bullshit.
Edit: I just re-read your post and am even more confused. You say you love your secondary. But then who are you talking about when you refer to your OSO? I am also confused about the genders and orientations of some of the people involved. Would you please clarify so we can better help you?
Independent solo polyamorist seeking lover-friends willing to invest in friendship, companionship, and love, but without a need for partnership.
Never confuse commitment with exclusivity, love with ownership, nor sex with intimacy!
For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.
~ Carl Sagan
Last edited by nycindie; 11-03-2012 at 07:17 PM.