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Old 11-03-2012, 10:27 AM
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rory rory is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Europe
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Coping with studies&work. Thankfully I really enjoy my studies and I also enjoy the food I can buy when I get paid for my job.

I am seeing a pattern of behaviour and I'm writing to get it clearer and also so that maybe some solutions could be teased out of it.

My energy levels vary and with all that I have going on I, on occasion, 1. feel like I don't have enough energy. When I feel this, I often feel that I am doing so much I cannot put myself to anything properly, but doing things I need or want to do halfheartedly is not really something I am willing or even able to choose. It is just in my nature to commit and focus fully on whatever I am putting my energy into. Thus, when in low energy, I feel the need to recharge i.e. free time for myself without having/being expected to do anything (no matter how pleasant).

So, I feel this need for recharging. I have at various points learned ot adjust my life to this need, e.g. with a live in partner I have my own room/space separately. However, at the moment the new thing I need to adjust this with is having a partner live in same city but not living together.

So, the need for recharging manifests itself and so I feel like I 2. wouldn't really have the energy to do something I've planned with a partner. This is a different situation with a live in partner, since we'll still be seeing each other when I'm at home (even if I make use of my room a lot). But, for example, I might feel like I don't have the energy to go to Mya's the following night but would rather go home.

Now, if only things were as simple to do what I know I need to, i.e. at this point I should 3. communicate about this with my partner and make some changes in plans. I am working on getting better at expressing what I want and need, but it's a slow process, and so often when I need to express a loved one what I want (/need) it's all bundled up in emotional baggage.

It's a whole process to first get over my own obstacles on the way of acknowleging the need/want (because, you know, I want to have endless energy and be able to do all this stuff that I enjoy and also makes other people happy, and I really really have problems accepting the fact that that's not how I function). I endlessly question that feeling of needing to recharge, because it's not something tangible and I don't want to listen to it.

And since the admitting my own needs and talking about them and asking for something I want from my partner is emotionally difficult (even though I have a long history of proof that my partners are awesome people who want me to be happy and are willing to listen and don't punish me), 4. the communication process actually feels more energy-consuming than making no changes in the first place.

Summary: when I have low energy --> I need to recharge, but in order to recharge I need --> to do things that I don't feel like I have the energy for. But then I don't end up getting the recharging and you see the problem?

Potential solutions:

- I could get rid of the baggage and expressing my wants would become not-such-a-big-deal. This is ideal because it gets to the bottom of the issue instead of simply treating the symptoms. However, I am actively working on in and it doesn't seem that this particular baggage is going to be totally gone anytime soon. So I need to treat the symptoms, too.

- Different, i.e. less energy demanding way of communicating. Might be practical, but I don't have many ideas of what this would look like and also don't know how much a change of method would alleviate the issue.

- Adopting a more concrete framework, something more tangible for me to work with than the feelings of low energy. Something like spoons. I came across that a few days ago, and haven't looked into it, and apparently there's debate about whether able-bodied people should use the spoons as energy concept, but then there's also this cultural myth about how all people are so able except for those that are disabled, and then there's also the thing about my status in the health continuum, and so I won't go into that more. Maybe a separate post, when I have enough spoons to post one?

- Something else I haven't thought of..? Suggestions are welcomed.
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In long-term relationships with Alec and Mya. Seeing Lily. Metamours with Hank.

Last edited by rory; 11-03-2012 at 10:32 AM.
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