Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit
I think if everyone was capable of living fully in the moment - that their full awareness and focus was applied to the circumstance immediately in front of them, that the whole attitude & outcome would often be different. It's often not that people don't like us, that we're not on the same page etc, it's just that one or more of us are introducing pieces of "stuff" that don't belong in the here & now. They're coming from somewhere else.
So, I've just found it seems to help that in all my interactions I try to bring everyone back into the "moment" and this also helps bring ME back !
Pieces of "stuff" I totally get what you are saying here.
I went to a party last night that included many of my poly friends. Thanks to these lovely forums I see several dynamics differently now. My definition of poly is not amongst most of the people in the community I have here. Or at least not the way we are doing it/living it. Because of these forums I am able to live in the moment more and just let all that be. I love the friends I've made for the individuals they are and the moments we share at such events, but I sometimes don't receive that in return.
I realized last night, after several months, different conversations and putting some stuff together that I think I am and we are being judged and that judgment has blocked us from being closer to certain people. I guess it is hard for some people to understand that I prefer to find freedom in being committed to both my husband and Mono. I don't have a need at this point in my life to seek out more relationships and more sexual experiences. I have quality relationships and don't need more quantity. The seeming judgment comes when people think that I am somehow giving up my freedom. Sure Mono and I and all of us have some set boundaries that mean to the outside world I am losing my sexual freedom, and whether or not I can push that is left to be determined under certain circumstances, but I am happy where we are at and I am not giving up anything. On the contrary, I am inviting in relationship depth and more love in that than I have ever known.
The judgment that blocks some people from even talking to me is that they conduct their relationships from the perspective of being an entity un to themselves and they have several partners outside of that. Our relationship is based on "we" are the entity. Does that make sense? I would not want to be an entity on my own with partners. It sounds lonely and sad to me. I love being in a tight nit entity of three. The recent add on woman that my tersiary has found has made me realize this even more. He has found himself a play partner that he can dominate. My feelings about it are varied, but I seem to be unable to be totally okay with his outsideness in my life. I am coming to terms with it and realize that for him it's better and for me too, but I struggle.
sigh.... I'm tired of it all really. I just feel like crawling under a rock with my chosen family and hermitting. I totally can see why some poly families do that and just get on with their lives. I feel misunderstood after last night and the realization that I am judged.
it makes me weepy, cause I try so hard to rise above that.... others like to steep in it. too much "stuff" is involved.