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Old 11-03-2012, 05:23 AM
irina irina is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 8
Unhappy Advice on a bizarre situation?

I've had a friend for years that I am very close to. We spend most of our time together and though for me it didn't feel overtly romantic, he informed me that he was under the impression we were dating. That was fine with me; I don't really care about terminology as long as I can maintain my close and important relationship with this person.

However, he started dating another woman as well who is poly and started doing everything with her that he used to with me. They've started spending the night together at least half the week and she's often at his house, which used to be my safe haven. I don't have a problem with her, but I do feel displaced. I expressed feeling sad and alone (my other partner left the state for a year, which has made this way harder) and after he realized that this intense depression was causing me to feel suicidal, he readjusted the relationship a little.

But it seems like he's constantly swinging between making her happy and making me happy. I have social anxiety (which causes intense depressions) and prefer to do things with him alone. If it's a group event, I like to go with just him because I know he will be attentive to me and my needs and is an incredibly safe person for me. But she is upset because she feels that she can't go to public events because I want to be alone with him, and feels excluded.

It's a really complicated situation, because she feels like the newcomer in our relationship but he and I were never officially dating, so there were no agreements made before they started dating each other. Now anything I ask for as a concession to my feelings is a direct negative impact to her, and so I'm uncomfortable asking for anything.

At this point, the whole situation really triggers my anxiety and I want to just avoid them and any of the events I used to go to. But I can't imagine losing him as a friend -- our entire social network is tied up together and we're also business partners. But most importantly, I really care about him.

Any advice?
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