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Old 11-02-2012, 09:19 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510

I hear what you are saying-


emotions aren't something you can just not have.
You can choose not to act upon them-but you can't choose to have them or not.

If I fall in love-I can choose not to express it and choose not to act on it. But, the emotion is still within me.

You sense his emotions-you presumably want honesty from him.
What can he do when he DOES HAVE EMOTIONS which isn't something he can change?
EVEN IF HE DOESN'T DATE THE PEOPLE ANYMORE-is that going to be enough for you when you know he still has feelings?!?!?!

I think it would behoove you to read some of the first page of galagirls blog-where she talks about emotions being internal weather & where she talks about how a poly person is supposed to be able to be an honest person in relationship with a partner who flies off the handle (whether emotionally or otherwise) when they find out the poly person has FEELINGS (which are NOT controllable).

I myself encountered similar with my husband. He was hurt by my loving another. I agreed to have no contact with the other person-but he knew I still loved him and felt wretched over making me not see them-because he knew if I did that to him-it would hurt him to be separated from someone he loves.

It's important to really look at what you are asking for from another person to define if it is REALLY functional.

It is not functional to ask someone not to have feelings.
It can be functional to ask them not to act upon those feelings IF THEY ARE OK WITH THAT.
But never functional to ask them not to have feeelings.
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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