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Old 11-02-2012, 08:16 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Yelm, Washington
Posts: 11,673

Hello lostlion,
Welcome to our forum.

Sorry you have had some bad luck with other poly people in your area. You could try googling "Rhode Island polyamory" and see what else comes up. Also there's certain links you could try:

We also have a Dating & Friendships subforum you could try here.

It may be a challenge to find a second poly group in your area if you've already found one (and had bad luck with that one). I only know of one poly group in Albuquerque, for instance, and it took me awhile to find it.

More importantly, you'll have to tell your girlfriend sooner or later. Some tips about how you might go about this can be found at:

The only other option I can see is to never tell her, and never get involved in a polyamorous relationship. Is that something you can live with? Would you end up with resentful feelings eventually?

Also, suppose you find a local poly group and start attending their meetings. Do you not tell her where you are? Do you lie to her about where you are? If you tell her you're at a poly meeting, how do you explain that to her? Don't you have to confess to her that you're interested in polyamory?

I can't think of any easy solutions to this problem. I know you don't want to hurt her, but she also has a right to decide whether to accept this part of your reality (and stay with you). Otherwise, you'd just have to hope your interest in polyamory will gradually fade away. Only you can decide if that's likely to happen. If you'd even *want* it to happen.

In the meantime, you can read and post on this site and get answers for various questions you may have. There's also a forum on Polyamorous Percolations if you decide you need a particularly gentle group of people, but that forum isn't nearly as active as this one.

If you continue to read and study more about polyamory (and open relationships), it will help give you a better idea of what to do. Opening Up (by Tristan Taormino) is a great book to read. Something to consider along with your interactions on this site.

Perhaps something in this post will be of help. I hope so.

Kevin T.
Love means never having to say, "Put down that meat cleaver!"
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