What can I do, what can I tell her ?
I came here when I needed help, and I found a lot of useful comments. So here I am again.
Quick summary of the situation :
I've been in a mono relationship with D. for a few years. A few month ago, we talked about poly and figured it was a nice idea worth giving a try. She currently lives quite far away, but we manage to see each other a few days every month or so. And of course, we use IM and voip to stay together. D now has another boyfriend and seems to like it.
Enters S. She is an amazing woman. The kind of women in which everything makes you want to love her. I regard her as one of the best friends I have ever had. We have built a wonderful friendship, and have long philosophical conversations about happiness, love and life.
I'm deeply in love with her, and she knows.
The thing is, she doesn't believe in polyamory. From what I understand, she believes that the person she loves deserves to have her "wholy", and that she expects no less from him in return. She says that she cannot imagine herself falling in love with anyone else, because that love would necessarily not be as deep as a single love.
And I tell her I believe she is wrong, and she stands her grounds, and the debate quickly stalls.
Polyamory comes to me as such an evidence, that I do not understand what she tells me. It's like she was trying to tell me that circles have four right angles. And it feels that she doesn't believe me either when I tell her it's actually rectangles that have four right angles.
I feel like I have something wonderful to share, yet cannot share it with her because we do not speak the same language.
I've tried to forget this love and let it fade away, but it just doesn't work. I've tried to tell her that love is infinite, and that you can give yourself entirely to two people. She tells me that even if I were right, time isn't infinite, and that the person she loves deserves all her time and attention.
She doesn't see the beauty I see in the plurality of love. And I tell her about it, and she looks again, but still won't see it.