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Old 11-02-2012, 01:58 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Originally Posted by Helo View Post
Would your opinion of me change if I said I would never date blondes because I found the hair color unattractive?

I think we're in danger of putting the definition of racism into pants its too small for. The generally accepted definition of racism is "hatred or intolerance of another race" and I dont know if you can call someone racist because they'd prefer not to sleep with someone of a particular race. If they say "Oh I wont sleep with THOSE people because they're Crayola" ok yeah that's clearly a racist statement.

If we use that, then we start edging into the territory of accusing gay men and women of being sexist because (if) they wont sleep with members of the opposite gender.
I don't think it's fair to compare hair color to skin color, because they don't have the same connotations in our society. If you said you didn't date blond women because you found their hair color unattractive, I'd be a little confused, I'd ask you if it was really such a hard line that you wouldn't date a blond girl even if she was smart and funny and kind and witty and you really got along... like, could the color REALLY be such a big deal? And if you said yes, I'd just shrug and wonder if, like, a blond woman was mean to you when you were a kid or something. I *would* kind of consider it a prejudice of a sort, but it certainly wouldn't mean you were racist, because blond is not a race.

On the other hand, if you said you didn't date black women because you found their skin color unattractive, then, yeah, I would say "wow, that's kind of racist, man, you might wanna examine and work on that." Because, for centuries, our culture has held up whiteness as the height of attractiveness and looked down on black people. You could be the most un-racist person in terms of your *conscious* thoughts and beliefs, but still have absorbed unconscious prejudices because we live in a prejudiced culture. It happens to the best of us. And it's something to recognize and work on. If you told me that you wouldn't date a black girl even if she was smart and funny and kind and witty and you really got along, I would consider it a *racial* prejudice, because black, unlike blond, is a race. I'm NOT saying it would make you a bad person or even a racist (consciously)... but if you were completely unwilling to consider that it might be an unconscious racial prejudice and work on it, then, yeah I would look at you differently. Same for the Asian thing that Hades brought up, for the record -- if a person could honestly say that they wouldn't date, say, a Japanese girl, even if she was perfect for them in every other way and there was a real, genuine connection, I would tell them that they ought to really think that through and try to break it down.

Sex and gender, on the other hand, are *completely* different from either of these things and, again, it's an unfair comparison.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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