I do not know what else is going on over there. But you just
had this serious conversation...
So I clarified - so you mean that even if it we determine that a continued relationship with Sarah would destroy us, you'd choose Sarah over us?
He said he'd have to think about it.
And you want him to make a major life decision in the middle of drama (the Sarah and Mike crazy), in the middle of NRE (John and Sarah) and in the middle of serious struggle but not as crazy sounding as the other people because you at least talk (John and Lydia) about whether to get a divorce? At nearly midnight last night/this morning on 11/1 when you last posted? When the break (John and Sarah) is happening on 11/4?
I would let the break come about, breathe. I think some of your "ACK!" is understandable but would YOU want to make a major life decision without sorting it all out? He's sounding like he's asking for air, clear space/time. That doesn't sound horrible to me.
I know you WANT a firm decision so you don't have to be in "Hang Time at the Forge" squirming with uncomfortable like fire is nipping at your toes while you hang in the air.
If it is that important to you to be free of squirmy --- YOU could decide to end it. Esp if you feel strong about stricy monogamy (ideal) or a strict primary-secondary polyship with you as the primary (what seems to be your ideal compromise.) That things are not ideal right now -- that's something else.
If you are willing to wait and see -- ask for reassurance that he's going to take it seriously, going to think hard, cares for you and is taking you into consideration. If he's still willing to be in romantic relationship with you even if he doesn't know the shape of it yet. A rough date for a serious talk if not final answer -- perhaps appt with counselor around then to help you guys sort. The bottom of November maybe? Those things you could reasonably ask for reassurance on.
It's not the ideal -- because I know you WANT a final answer. But perhaps that's a "could live with that much for now?" Right now you seem to want reassure/feedback.
I know this is a Time of Suckage. I know it is not like pick "win-lose" choices. It is choosing between "this sucks" and "this sucks." So which one is "this sucks but less because there's light at the end of tunnel eventually even if it sucks for now" and which one is "This sucks and it is just endless, ongoing, neverneding, suckage?" You are in a Time of Discernment for yourself.
But to ask him for absolute final answer? I dunno if that is reasonable. I do not know his personality or the circumstances. You cannot control another person's behavior.
You can only control yourself.
So it's kind of like you are at a place where you have to weigh out what you value most right now...
a) Your need to be comfortable and no longer "Ack!" feeling. The need to KNOW one way or another so you aren't hanging in the balance.
b) your need to be in romantic relationship to John.
c) your need to be in monoship or at least primary in a "V" situation in a romance
I know they are taking a break. Why don't YOU take a break? Everyone take a break? Each player off in their own corner to clear their head?