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Old 10-31-2012, 07:08 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,336

I was under the impression that his wife had asked for a divorce. She has said that outcome seems inevitable - but she's said that to my wife, who relayed it to me, but has been much less forthright with him. So it looks like I spoke out of turn. "I guess you know much more than I, because she won't talk to me," he said.
Ugh. Back to the drawing board.

I go back to previous advice from post #2.

d) a postponement of a deeper relationship between these two women entirely until the other marriage is resolved or dissolved
Best and cleanest. Nothing wrong with being friends and her finishing up with the OLD romance configuration with her husband appropriately (monogamous relationship) before beginning a new one with the husband (open polyship or a divorce, depending) and THEN a new one with your wife (as girlfriends) and a new one with you (as metamour).

In those shoes? I'd hope my DH had some self respect. That he felt he was worth waiting for and dating nicely and appropriately. Tell the potential person something like

"I care for you too. But my wife and I have ethical agreements to meet before taking on new partners. So go home and sort your thing out with your husband. Patch it up to Open Well, or Break Up Well first. So things are clean. THEN look me up. Don't be involving me and my wife in drama if you claim to love me so. That is not loving behavior toward ME. That is also not respectful behavior to my wife, your potential metamour. Disrespect to my wife is disrespect to me. Love me and respect me enough to date me nicely and appropriately."
FINISH with the old before moving on with a new. So not cool.

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