Originally Posted by BraverySeeker
On another front, the estranged other husband called me out of the blue late last week to ask me when my wife and I decided to open our marriage. Truthfully, the thought never occurred to us before my wife and his fell for one another. But although I do not know him, I do know he is understandably distraught by his wife leaving and demonstrably incapable of seeing her years of unhappiness with him as being unrelated to her new love for my wife.
I replied that I didn't think he was asking the right question; that it was probably too late for him to show a willingness to accept the relationship between our wives. The question he should be asking, I said, was not how to open their marriage but how to end their marriage as amicably as possible without scarring their two teenage boys.
I was under the impression that his wife had asked for a divorce. She has said that outcome seems inevitable - but she's said that to my wife, who relayed it to me, but has been much less forthright with him. So it looks like I spoke out of turn. "I guess you know much more than I, because she won't talk to me," he said.
That side of this situation is very unsettling to me, and I hate being pulled into the middle of it. Yes, he should know by now that his wife wants to end their relationship. But until she's unafraid to ask for divorce, he will continue to flail about, assume the separation is temporary, and say he'll try anything to get her back.
I don't have the strong reaction NYCindie did about this part of your post. I don't see the red flags she does. It is unfortunate that you got put in the middle inadvertently. However, your wife's GF should have informed her husband she is filing or has filed for divorce and they are done. No hope. Kaput. She may have good reasons for not talking to him or she may be afraid for herself. But if she is only afraid of hurting his feelings by telling him they are done and that she is/has/will be filing divorce papers - that's not good. That may be a pattern of avoiding pain and unpleasantness. Her husband sounds completely clueless but she may not have wanted to rock the boat either. Or maybe not. But be aware.
As for you, I realize you feel for this guy and want to help all involved. But he is fishing for information - and that information may end up in the divorce papers. He may be looking for something to damn your wife's GF with. You can't help him at this point. It's too late and you've basically picked 'sides'. I would not talk to him again. Just tell him you wish him the best, he needs to contact his wife and hang up.