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Old 10-30-2012, 10:32 PM
Numina Numina is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 139

Thanks for your thoughts AnnabelMore, you are one of many posters who's thoughts and opinions I value and have made me willing to share my experience here on these forums. I don't feel as though you are criticizing us. We made lots of mistakes early on. I haven't talked about that first month except for a select few moments, and even those I glossed over.

How the lack of attention from either of them made me so self conscious that I felt ugly, undesirable, and very not sexy. That I had an almost melt down over it. That I started going to bed fully dress so they wouldn't have to see me naked. I had self esteem issue as a teen and thought I was over it, but those first months proved that wrong. I'm still recovering from it. And I know how men view me small, dark, and busty. I know some where deep down that guys want to see me naked, but sometimes it is very hard to feel that way. I don't really care about what a random dude wants. I care what Airyn wants, and sadly what Chipmunk should have wanted. It really would be easier if she and I didn't care about each other.

Moving Chipmunk in when we did was good for Chipmunk, but not good for Airyn and I. However we both made a promise, that she would never have to go back to her abusive, dominating mother. I don't make many promises, so when I do I intend to keep them. It's why she is still living with us and not looking for a place of her own or being moved out. Besides it seems a bit unfair for me to require that. I don't hate her, she's just not gay. So seeing her and knowing what I wanted just hurts. I do my best to not think about it, but some times something will set me off. *Shrug*

Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
In general, no one wants to have to be around their ex more than necessary right after a break up, it takes time to heal. She is also very young (I know that I was way immature at 21), and it seems like she has a ways to go on her communication skills, and on understanding what she wants and what she can give.
Yes exactly. I really wanted space away from her, not having to see her for a while, and definitely don't want to come home from work to her curled up half naked in my bed with Airyn (5 nights a week), but these are the living arrangements, so I'm kinda stuck with this right now. Airyn knows how I feel about it, and wants me to try to work through it. They both know I'm being a bit needier then usually, and they know why. I said some things that while I may have legitimately meant them I didn't necessarily mean them. Does that make since? I am trying to be fair about it, and give them space when Chipmunk is being needy too. I'm about to have a week and a half of vacation time it will be interesting to see how things go during this time with me home 24 hours a day.
One of the things we want to try to make it easier is to get a day bed so that time can be split where 3 days a week Chipmunk and I spend on the day bed, we haven't figured how we will split the 7th day yet. Since we don't have the day bed picked out and bought it's a moot point.

Yes she is very young, and of the three of us is the worst at communication. I'm not saying that I'm excellent, but I have worked on it more and have gotten better at it. I still struggle, and once I've been rebuffed I find it difficult to come back to the same subject with that person for a long while.

Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
Another factor is that it seems like she and Airyn are fighting a lot -- I would take this as another sign that more space would be better.
There is good and bad in every relationship. On a whole they have a good relationship, but the bad days, the arguments stick out for me and are the things I need/want to talk about. For one thing Monday was obviously a really good day for the two of them.

Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
You mention Airyn not wanting her to feel like less than an equal partner, but how can a girlfriend of less than a year be "equal" to a wife and co-parent of many years? He and you have an OPP but, at least based on her pursuing J, there isn't one with her -- is that "equal"? Equality just doesn't seem like a reasonable expectation here. Now, of course you want to be fair to all involved here. But, as Franklin Veaux points out in this great essay -- -- symmetry is not the same thing as fairness.
I also did ask Airyn how a relationship of 5 months is supposed to be equal to one of 20 years. It was said in a rhetorical fashion and was meant to make him think, so haven't heard any more about it.

It does my heart good to see that I'm not the only one thinking it ridiculous that a 5 month long relationship should be on the same footing as one of 20 years. Don't get me wrong her feeling, are just as valid as my own, and her well-being is just as important. However her receiving the better parts of my life with Airyn just sucks.

Oddly the issue many married women have with PIV have not come up for me. It's not PIV I have issue with. I miss certain aspect of my sex life with Airyn that aren't available with Chipmunk living with us, but the two of them having alone time for PIV doesn't bother me in and of itself. Now when Airyn told me that the hooks he asked me to buy at the hardware store years ago were for some kinky sex stuff, and then said in front of me to chipmunk that he was going to put her on the hook that night. With them having originally been bought for he and I, and us not having used them once. THAT bothered me A LOT. Or when he chose to do some new kinky thing with me one evening, then I come home from work and see that just a few hours later he was sharing that same experience with Chipmunk. That really bothered me too. And it didn't help that he pointed out he had that idea days ago and could have shared that with her at any time. Sure he was trying to say that he wait so he could share that with me first, but I really didn't need to be feeling all special and sexy, then come home to see it wasn't special between he and I for long.

So that is very different for the usually PIV hang ups I have read. I'm more sadden by the non-sexual things that Airyn and I don't get anymore.
We used to stay up late on Friday and Saturday nights watching movies curled up in bed. Sure it usually turned to Sex, but it's not just the sex part that I miss. So when he tells me he's going to watch a movie with Chipmunk "tonight" it makes me sad for what I'm missing. I told him last time that I miss getting to do that. Gees just writing about it is choking me up.
Bi-sexual female

Married to my high school sweat heart (20 year relationship). Talked about Poly, but put the idea off and had a kid instead. Stumbled into an FFM (Vee) that became an FMF (Vee).

No longer dateing my husbands Girlfriend.

Airyn: My husband (Straight)
Chipmunk: My x-GF, My husbands GF (Straight)
Wolf: my Daughter with Airyn
Boots: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
History: Social/Friend dating (Bi) Married
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