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Old 10-30-2012, 10:10 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BraverySeeker View Post
. . . I do know he is understandably distraught by his wife leaving and demonstrably incapable of seeing her years of unhappiness with him as being unrelated to her new love for my wife.

I replied that I didn't think he was asking the right question; that it was probably too late for him to show a willingness to accept the relationship between our wives. The question he should be asking, I said, was not how to open their marriage but how to end their marriage as amicably as possible without scarring their two teenage boys.

I was under the impression that his wife had asked for a divorce. She has said that outcome seems inevitable - but she's said that to my wife, who relayed it to me, but has been much less forthright with him. So it looks like I spoke out of turn. "I guess you know much more than I, because she won't talk to me," he said.

Fuck.


That side of this situation is very unsettling to me, and I hate being pulled into the middle of it. Yes, he should know by now that his wife wants to end their relationship. But until she's unafraid to ask for divorce, he will continue to flail about, assume the separation is temporary, and say he'll try anything to get her back.
You should feel unsettled about this. Awhile back, I wanted to post something about the husband of your wife's now-gf, but internet connectivity issues prevented me from doing so. I just knew something like the conversation you described would eventually happen. Her husband has been a very convenient scapegoat. All along, he has been painted as the Bad Guy, a schmuck who made little or no effort to keep his wife happy. You and your wife eagerly hopped on that bandwagon and readily judged him. BUT ALL YOU HAD TO GO ON WAS HIS WIFE'S WORDS. People will twist a story any which way, when they want what they want. And this woman wants your wife's pussy.

She also wants out of her marriage, and found a way to convince you both what a bad dude she is married to, and what a martyr she was. Sheesh. But a marriage requires two people each contributing 100%, so it is never just one person to blame. If she wasn't happy, what was her part in it? She seems like someone who is avoiding any responsibility or taking a hard look at why she let her marriage fall apart, and now she only wants an escape into your wife's arms and into your happy home.

I have serious suspicions about this woman's ability to be honest about anything. I bet that, as long as she is involved with your wife, you and your wife will be fighting and at odds with each other more often. I would caution both you and your wife to keep more distance between you and her until her marriage issues are resolved and she is either in it and it is functioning and happy, or she is completely out of it. I think she is Trouble with a capital "T."

BIG RED FLAG!
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 10-30-2012 at 10:30 PM.
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