ON ORGANIZING INFORMATION AND CONVO SNIPPETS
So over the weekend one of the things I did was organize information. I was also thinking about various convo snippets in the last few months. The conversations are not in chronological order. Just as I muse them over in my head.
Me: Hey. Do you want to read the poly article o' the week in themes or by author? I'm keeping a checklist so I know what was already covered.
Me: Really? You want to spend weeks at a time covering jealousy? I mean, going deep isn't wrong. I would just find it exhausting. I was thinking by author. Because then the experience is like pass and repass. See how different authors vary in their perspective on the same major themes. Contrast and compare. Plus the topic changes each week.
DH: Ah. I didn't think of it that way. Let's go author then. I don't think I can take weeks and weeks on the same topic.
Me: Author it is. First up is getting through Anita Wagner.
Wagner is at
I've been all over that in the past. But WE have not as a couple. So here we go.
Then there was the time I was just musing about "poly being weird" being only as weird as it is in your framework of experience.
Me: For fun you could cruise Kerista or Oneida and then ask me about teenage me going over all that.
Me: Some poly history players. Getting to know your wife's interests and thoughts before you knew her. Or we could talk about concubines I know and their adult kids and grandkids I grew up knowing. That's a poly system I've brushed up on.
DH: Chinese side of the fam?
Me: Yup. Ha. Can I have a second husband? Instead of me being the second wife/first concubine?
DH: Sure. (grinning)
Me: Not that the OTHER side of the fam didn't have it's own dealios.
DH: What family DOESN'T have dealios?
Me: Touche. Nothing new under the sun.
Or me reading things online and suddenly blurting out to him behind me at his desk playing Sims.
Me: Argh. You know what?
Me: We definitely have NOT got a monoship.
Me: It's definitely closed polyship of two. Some of this stuff I read just makes no sense to me and does not compute.
DH: Like what?
Me: Like if you come into your own poly-awareness after marriage... and you are not be willing to out yourself to your spouse? What kind of crap is that? The spouse has not created safe emotional climate for you? They were shirking in their duty then. To you and to the marriage.
DH: Some people aren't comfortable with emotional intimacy?
Me: But flip it. What kind of spouse are YOU then, witholding critical information about yourself from your spouse? That's brushes up on lies of omission. What kind of marriage climate are YOU creating of false sense of belief? The other guy cannot mind reader you. Shirking duty. To them and to the marriage.
DH: That's to do with basic relating. That's nothing with mono/poly being together. It's just wrong.
Me: How can mono/poly be together without honest relating? What the hell? Everything to do with it. It IS wrong.
He just looked at me, shrugged. I started to laugh. He went back to his game and I went to my 'net surfing. It was one of those "pretty bowl / pretty fish" moments where we arrive at the same conclusion but from different perspectives/journeys.
Took the kid to play and while she was boing-boinging around and we were sitting watching her and other children run amok I grinned at him and scooted closer on the bleachers so my thigh was pressed up against his.
Me: See that? I'm flirting.
DH: Ooh. I can do that too.
DH: (leaning in to whisper in my ear) What if I told you I love it when you get all wet when you think about being in a Good Share?
DH: Because I know you do. It turns your crank.
Me: Yay. Turn my crank! Share me!
DH: I bet. (laughing)
Me: Like it doesn't turn yours.
DH: Never said it didn't. You know it does. You just like it when I twiddle your brain.
Me: That's all it ever needs to be, brain twiddler.
Talking in the shower about Abuse Friend and their ongoing saga.
Me: I don't know. I think divorce would be best all around. She wants to try to work it out with CHANGES in behavior. That's their business but oy. Drama.
DH: I would not be up for that.
Me: Me either. But again -- their business. Not my life. Sigh. I know I wouldn't go there.
DH: Yup. You wouldn't. They were not realistic at all about Opening. Especially Opening when Broken.
Me: Ugh. Let's not do that.
DH: We're not broken.
Me: So? Let's agree ANYWAY.
DH: Alright. No Opening broken!
Me: Maybe we go through all this Engagement and decide not to Open anyway.
DH: So? I'm enjoying the process. I like being Open to you. I like knowing you in other ways.
Me: We could Open and it never comes to pass.
DH: So? Same difference. Already I see benefit to improved communication.
Me: Same. It's too easy to get slacker on communication.
Me: That people seem to expect not to have to tend their marriage. Like you get to the altar and that is it! Sealed for life! Never have to work on it again or tend it or anything.
DH: Lame. It has to be tended.
Me: Agreed. Tend to me.
Me: (laugh) Perv.
Now my Abused Friend just called. Coming over. I don't know what new tales of strange I'm going to hear. Sigh.
I really wish other people had happy marriage like I do. We're not always sunshine and rainbows every second of the day. (Moodlet.) But overall? The umbrella meta-mood? It's pretty sunny and bright. We're good. Solid. Comfortable. In love. Understand each other. The sight of him walking into the room STILL makes me light up after all these years. I hear his key in the lock at the front door and sometimes I run screaming to the door just like the kid does. "Dadddy!" she yells. Only I yell "Lover!"
(DH -- love you, kid. And happy anniversary. 19 years this week. )