I feel pretty much the same way you do about this, dakid. Someone mentioned earlier:
and I find this amusing because "friendships with side benefits" IS a type of relationship! So while it may not "be" polyamory, someone try to explain to me exactly what is so "anti-poly" about it.
Poly is about building relationships - not just friendships with side benefits.
Yeah, yeah. I knew someone was going to pull that out.
It reminds me of the line from A Fish Called Wanda: "I'm sure she knows her own brother. After all, she's had a relationship
with him all her life."
But I think it's fairly clear what I meant. If not, I'll clarify - building romantic relationships.
And, yes, I do think one can be poly, and swing, and have casual relationships within the context of being poly. I consider myself poly - but if I have casual sex with a friend, that doesn't make me not poly. It doesn't, however make the encounter I had with that friend part of being poly.
In the context of the OP who said that her boyfriend "flirted, made out with, and hooked up with lots of girls", I don't consider that forming a poly relationship. That's flirting, making out with, and hooking up. She had a self-admitted drunken one-time sexual experience with someone and her boyfriend claims that makes her poly. I disagree - that is not a poly relationship. It is a relationship of sorts - but it's not a poly one.
Everything I've read and understood about poly emphasizes loving, open, romantic relationships. A drunken one-night-fuck is not a loving, romantic relationship, even if it is open.
Edited to say that this is the way I choose to practice a poly lifestyle and how I choose to interpret poly as a whole. Obviously no one is required to agree with me.
This I agree with:
Originally Posted by YGirl
I see what you are saying - the "original" relationship is still polyamorous even if some of the behaviour with others could be classified as "swinging" or "casual sex".
I definitely agree with that. Sorry I can't help stretch your brain any further!