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Old 10-29-2012, 09:55 PM
Perseus Perseus is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2012
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe View Post
Fact is, polyamory has a lot of challenges - but relationships in general have many challenges. Listening to people at work talk about their miserable marriages all day might lead me to have serious doubts about matrimony working out in real life. But it does work for some people some of the time - me for instance (on both the polyamory and the matrimony front).
True, the first post had a fair bit of frustration in it. But, being in a poly relationship often makes issues you might have come to the surface more often/faster. Issues that might not have come up in a mono relationship, or that would have come up in a milder form. Poly really brings those things to light because you Have to look at them, you can't run. They are right in your face. Having said that, going back to mono on that ground would taste a bit bitter. I want to get to know myself more and more and not give up.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe View Post
This is like the whole "Crime doesn't pay." statement - sure it does, sometimes. But usually for the short-term and usually the potential consequences outweigh the potential benefits. "Doing things in secret" may get people what they think they want right now - at the cost of ever being able to know what it is like to have a fully open, honest, sharing relationship. Is a relationship based on lies worth having?
I agree. This was also frustration talking. Crime does seem to pay I'm afraid but one of the reasons why poly just clicked for me is the honesty. If I want to spend the rest of my life (or a period of it) with somebody I want to be able to talk about everything. No topics should be off limit. So no, I don't want to go there. But I see people around me cheating, and being found out, that have to workout less crap then me being honest (frustration). But that might also go back to the first point I guess. It happened once, you hope it won't happen again, let's move on. But that's cutting it short, I know.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BoringGuy View Post
I don't believe that looking at what other people do in their relationships and the results they achieve, and then saying "that proves that X is fundamentally flawed so therefore the opposite-of-X must be the "right" paradigm" is the way to go about living one's life.
Agree. But when emotions run high it is sometimes hard to take a step back and see things for what they really are. Hence my post. It's good to have people put your feet back on the ground. Get a new perspective and move from there. And no, sorry, I'm very grateful for the replies but I won't be making a life decision purely on that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
Perseus -- is she struggling with the "fear of the unknown stranger?"
Yes, that is one of her fears and a big one. Others are; having to share. If I spend time with somebody else, why not with her? She wants all the time she can get. She wants to feel somebody is going for her completely and this shows her I don't. Rationally she doesn't see it like that or can explain why it's not true etc. but emotionally she goes on a rampage when new things start to happen. Coffee on Thursday in broad daylight is horror. Sex for pleasure she can deal with. Emotions and feelings are a no go. Sex I like but it's a byproduct of what I'm after.

We had several leaps of faith. It was rocky from the start but it was always us two against whatever problem would arise. This is something between us. When nothing is happening in polyland it is very fulfilling. I looked into the "itch". I don't say it's always smooth sailing but this is more about two personalities that are very different from each other on this subject. As Dirtclustit said that doesn't have to be a problem. But it is a problem for her in the sense that she can't handle me seeing anybody else. If that wasn't so it wouldn't be a problem. What I'm saying is; I don't have problem with a mono-poly relationship.

All these past leaps and bumps did mature the relationship quite fast and it is not something I would be willing to give up on easily. We came very far and could go much further still.

Writing all this took my longer that expected and I have an early morning. I'll come back to this tomorrow and list some of my worries and concerns.

Thanks for all the replies so far. They have helped me to break the loop my mind was running in.
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