GG and I used to have that struggle. Until I accepted that what makes him happy is being able to facilitate making me happy. Once I accepted that about him-drama was done between us.
As for work-yes a great deal of work and introspection.
As for other people-each is responsible for themself. As a mother whose daughter is grown, I will say, your family, esp parents need to accept internally that who you ate NOW is who you choose to be and if other people have an issue with that its THEIR issue, not your parents. Sounds like your moms a bit too emotionally tied to what people think of you. But-thats her issue, not yours.
Consequences come as a response to our choices. When other people protect us, they inhibit our growth. Let your mom figure out that your choices as an adult aren't her concern. Support her by reminding her that noone has a right to judge her based upon you and she can tell them where to get off.
Jobs-get into politics and dont expect a change anytime soon. Its part of the discrimination that rules our world and until thats corrected-there's no avooiding having risks to jobs when we exist as something employers dislike.
"Love As Thou Wilt"