We've had our ups and downs, but for the most part I would say I was/am happy with our marriage.
Ok... have you asked her that question?
Has she had emotional affairs online? Ones that have come to light now?
You might want to throw Gary Chapmans book on the pile ...Love Languages. I think you can find the exact title in the recommended reading list. It's a quick read and it might help the 2 of you see how disconnected you were and how to connect better. All unrelated to poly but worth the read.
"Doesn't plan on telling" ....What about all the what If's .....the list is long aqnd has she given any thought to that? Have you? ....just another way of saying what cindie already mentioned. Rushing can cause a mess you cant clean up or you'll just lose interest in cleaning up.