I saw Marty for the first time in three months yesterday. It was overall good. All the kids had a great time playing, and Marty & I managed to steal a moment here and there to talk on more grown up matters, as well as flirt and tease each other a bit, steal kisses and touches, etc. Definitely ramping up the tension for Wednesday... especially as we haven't been intimate in almost 6 months with each other, and it's been almost 4 months for me with any partner. I've been "behaving" about taking it slow-ish with the new men I date!
He again brought up that he doesn't want a super full time "relationship" like "before" - not so many committed plans in advance, not a "schedule". I reminded him that even if we wanted to go back to the old "schedule", we can't - I am a single parent now, for one, and in two weeks when I move, I'll be going from a 40 min drive from his home, to 1 hr 45 min drive, so I won't be able to just go over all the time. I would really only be able to go over on days off of work, or select weekend days.
He seemed simultaneously pleased and a bit jealous that I am dating others. Isn't that always the way. I am still a bit jealous, and I admit, hurt, about his new "friend". For now, he says she is not interested in anything sexual, mainly just wants a friend she can get a cuddle fix from once in a while. But, we shall see how long that stays that way. Due to his anxiety disorder (which I've written about here before), he says that what he has with her is the lowest stress secondary relationship she's ever had which has been nice. That of course made me feel bad. I asked him if he was sure he wanted to restart what we had stopped, if it was "too stressful". He reminded me that if he hadn't wanted to, he would have said so, and that it's not so much that "I" cause the stress, as his disorder. (as in, no matter how safe the sex, he's always worried about babies, diseases (though not with me, since I shared test results), etc)
I also heard back from G on Saturday morning. My overly blunt and direct email didn't scare him off, he just had a really busy week. In a nutshell, he really appreciated and enjoyed my candor - and it also turns out he is dating a couple other people, so a more casual lover-friends relationship, nonpartnered but honest and open, is exactly what he wants. He wants to see me again and see where our adventures take us. So I am stoked about that. Once I move, I'll live about 30 mins from him, which isn't too bad.
Radio silence still from Z, so, we'll see. I'm leaving the ball in his court. I'm not chasing anyone right now, I'm rather enjoying being chased for a change.
"This, too, is sacred."
I am my own primary.
Me: F, 30's, bi.
Sadist: my fwb. M, 30's.
Pandora: Sadist's gf. F, 30's.