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Old 10-29-2012, 01:32 PM
Cleo Cleo is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Europe
Posts: 485

Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Cleo, I am glad to hear how well the conversation went for you -- and I look forward to reading your posts after your bf starts staying over!
Thanks! we have the first sleep over planned, it will in 2 weeks very, very excited about it, and I'll be sure to report back on my blog!

Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Aggie, not everyone wants or needs to conduct their relationships like one big happy huddle. It's perfectly fine and valid to manage multiple relationships separately, whether there is a hierarchy or not. They do not live communally, are not all involved with each other, and it seems they have a method that works for them and respects their autonomy.
Yeah, this is how I see it. Unless we were all living together, or spend a lot of time together on a regular basis, I don't really see the reason to have a meeting with the 3 of us present. Personally, I would never expect my other BF, to whom I am a secondary, to include me in his talks with his primary GF about how he divides his time. I haven't even met her, yet he and I have been together for almost a year (although we don't see each other very often, we have a strong connection), and there's never been an issue.

Aggie, what you said
I understand that your preferred negotiation style is not to include your additional partners directly in negotiations about your network of relationships; that you and your spouse choose to "represent" your respective additional partners in negotiations, and convey the decisions you make back to them. I'm glad that so far this seems to work well for you. I hope it's also working well for your additional partners.
makes it seem like I think that my husband and I, as the Couple, are somehow in charge. But like I said, it works the other way around too - I represent my husband when I talk to BF. I expect my other BF to represent me when he talks to his primary about spending time with me. And if C. (the BF who is now coming for a sleepover - sheesh it gets confusing with so many BF's ) finds another partner, I would expect him to represent her needs when talking to me, and mine when talking to her.

I could only see this changing organically, for instance when my BF were to spend a lot more time in my house and with my husband around, they would develop a relationship of their own, and it would make sense to talk together about stuff. Right now, it doesn't.
Cleo - forties straight female
Ren - husband of 20 + years
Bo - BF of 3 years
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