Originally Posted by Seraphic
My boyfriend has said similar things as stated above. He's watched my husband throw tantrums to get what he wants and it makes the BF upset because there's nothing he can do about it (he lives in Edmonton, I live in Los Angeles...for now).
My husband is a brilliant man... 98% on the MENSA entry test (so, he's good at math, really)...but he has the social skills of a fly. I gave him two things for Father's Day--one was a pepper plant I knew he'd like and the other was a utility belt for a coffee mug to organize pens, scissors, etc. He tossed the utility thing to the side and said, "That's something I'll never use..." When I explained to him how that was rather hurtful, he explained how it was a gift and his reaction shouldn't bear any weight to my giving it. If I was expecting him to be happy, then it wasn't a gift. I differed with him on that and pointed out MANY times he'd actually badgered me repeatedly, even after I gushed about a poem he'd written me, and he said, "You're absolutely right. That was meant to be a gift and it wasn't."
I don't understand his brain. I said that I'd always been taught that when someone gives you a gift, no matter how awful it is or how useless you'd find it, you accept it with grace and gratitude...not say, "This is useless..." and toss it to the side. Especially when I'd really thought hard about what to get (because the thought is the important, albeit completely unmentioned, part).
We had an incident over this past weekend that resulted in me being very resentful to him. I told him about it the day after it happened and he had no memory of the event....which is bad because it involved him pitching a tantrum in front of the BF whilst the BF and I were finally spending some time together (he works nights, so I don't get to see him much during the week). I got to spend 10 minutes on a Skype call with the BF before I had to appease the tantrum and go to bed WAY early... So, yeah...stressful weekend that did not include my time spent with the BF at all....even though I was given the whole day Saturday... The BF had to clean his apartment, I had a major paper, and the BF got called into work for 7 hours. So...we spent....30 minutes together Saturday. Sunday, we had 2 hours... so, I guess it all evens out, huh. <sigh>
GG, I'm getting closer to ready to take action....I have followed your links...but, I still feel very helpless to do anything and I really don't want to hurt the hubby because I know he *does* love me.
Love is an action. What actions of his show his love for you, because all I'm seeing in your posts is a lot of disrespect and bullying. I see a lot of what was going on in my marriage--the physical threats even though he never laid a hand on me, the dismissing my gifts with that same attitude, the bullying me into sex whenever he wanted it regardless of how I felt, and more--and I have never been happier in my life than since I filed and let him know I wasn't his emotional punching bag.
Tossing a gift aside that way IS hurtful and cruel. It's a way of putting someone down, letting them know they failed, keeping them off balance.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.