On Friday night, Gia and I went out to the club, both wearing costumes that she had designed. Eric stayed home with Bee -- he'd originally planned to go to the party, but their babysitter fell through. I felt bad for him, but also a little relieved, since I never know how to handle being on the same dance floor as him. I know what to do with him when we're in bed together, but somehow when it comes to dancing I'm just at sea...
Anyways, the scene at the club was great, packed and exciting. It was a fetish night, and there was a violet wand station set up. A violet wand, for the record, is an electrically-conductive rod. You run it along someone's skin to shock them, it's a BDSM thing that I've been curious about but have never tried. I told Gia that I was interested in trying it, and that the guy running the station had said that he would show her how to use it if she wanted to be the one to do it to me. She said that she wasn't prepared to give it a go with so many people around, but that I should go for it. So I went, and waited my turn, and sat down. Just as the guy was about to start, Gia showed up! She held onto my ankle as he started, it was comforting and lovely to have her there. It hurt like a burn, like a cut, it was fascinating. She stayed for just a couple of minutes, then left. It hurt more without her there -- the guy with the wand pointed out that she had been acting as a ground, actually diverting some of the electricity away from me by touching me. I let him continue for another minute, then we stopped and I returned to the dance floor.
There was a costume contest, and Gia won!!! She completely deserved to, and she was so giddy, it was SO fun. And there was a cash prize!
Dexter, Gia's crush, was there. It was very good to see him, actually -- he had a family crisis recently, and we've been worried. We all danced together. Late in the night, a handsome Russian boy came over and danced with us. He seemed particularly taken with Gia, and she with him, so I stepped back to give them space. After a while they split apart and she grabbed me, danced close, held the back of my neck, wonderfully dom-y. Then she stopped and pointed towards the corner. I looked, and there was a young man bent over a wooden sawhorse, getting a severe caning on his bare back from another man. I was transfixed, as she knew I would be.
As the club was closing for the night, the Russian boy loitered nearby. I whispered to Gia that she should ask for his number. She looked adorably panicked, and said "I can't!" "Get his full name, then," I said, "you can find him on Facebook!" She did ask for his name, but it was long, and hard to pronounce, and she didn't ask him to spell it, so she left with no clue of how to find him again. So gorgeously flustered, it was really fun to see her like that. Further adventures in compersion! I don't know why I've been feeling the compersion so well lately, but I'm not complaining.
The next night, the four of us -- me, Gia, Eric, and Bee -- went to another Halloween party, this one being held by some friends of theirs. During the car ride, Eric mentioned that he was thinking of setting up another encounter with Helen, his new casual sex-friend, within the next few days. It has to be before November, because he's going to be *very* busy in November. Gia said "Ok, that's fine, but -- I wasn't initially jealous, but I might get jealous if you start seeing her more than me!" He assured her that wouldn't happen. Sitting in the back seat, I began to get very melancholy. I thought about Eric getting with this girl twice in a week and a half, while Gia and I hadn't been together sexually in a month and a half! I mean, what sense does that make??
I kept telling myself that it wasn't a fair comparison, that she and I spend loads of time together doing all sorts of fun and creative things, while he's only seeing this girl for sex, and so of course sex is what they do. Gia values time together in a different way, and has more interests and activities than he does, and, and and... yeah. I closed my eyes and focused on not looking distraught and let it pass.
By the time we got to the party, I was feeling better. I mostly spent the night keeping an eye on Bee, he's at the stage where he can walk pretty well and is keen on exploring. It was a perfectly pleasant evening, if nowhere near as exciting as the last one.
Afterwards, back at their place, Eric laid down with Bee, while Gia and I stayed up so she could share some new perfumes she'd just gotten with me. We went through them all, and then we were just sitting there, alone in the living room, in the middle of the night. I reached out, touched her arm, smiled at her. She leaned in and kissed me. I kissed her back, then began kissing and sucking on her neck. She's mentioned more than once how much she likes that, how much easier it is for her to handle versus kissing on the lips, since having someone's face right in her face can trigger her anxiety. She seemed to take well to what I was doing, so I kept at it, checking in verbally a couple of times to make sure it was ok. I progressed to rubbing her back and shoulders, she just got more and more relaxed and euphoric-looking.
With just a little convincing, she agreed to come with me to the back room, where we would be partially hidden by her crafting table on the off chance that one of their roommates happened to pass through. She sat in a chair, one leg hoisted up, and I knelt below her, and... well, you can imagine.
She told me I was a good girl, ran her hands through my hair, let me leave my face resting against her thigh afterwards. We chatted, idly, she told me that I do a wonderful job of being a safe space for her. It can be so hard for her to relax, to let go, but she trusts me, and I pay very close attention to her signals, and she's able to get to where she can actually feel good. Mmmmm. Then she made me tea before I went back home, the scent of her still on my lips and fingers.
I was proud of myself about that whole thing. With the way I had feeling earlier in the night, so sad and separated from her, it would have been easy to respond by asking her directly to do more to help fulfill my needs. Talking, after all, is my natural inclination. Instead, I waited for the right moment, then took the initiative to try to seduce her. It made me look sexy and confident and sensitive, and it *worked*. Whereas asking, no matter how much I would have tried to make it sound neutral, would have come off like complaining, like pressure, it would have pushed her away. I'm not opposed to making my needs known, but it's not like she doesn't know this is a need of mine.
So, yeah, pleased that I handled it well. It was very much like this incident, a couple of months ago -- http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showp...&postcount=486
It's officially a trend! I still can't say that I'm happy at our limited alone time, BUT, if I can find ways to help convince her to make time for sexytime for the two of us in her life here and there, it makes things so much more manageable for me. In a couple of weeks, we'll have our next scheduled date together, mmm. And until then, I'll keep reminding myself... she gives me all sorts of wonderful focus and attention, she's terribly busy and stressed, it won't be like this forever, it's worth it, so worth it...