I had a good talk with Redpepper about this thread until a light bulb switched on when I could relate it to my own experience with people of our physically local poly community.
We were discussing how people with differences could find common ground to relate and build connections on. I was having a problem with this idea because her and I have different thoughts on the need to connect with everyone we are around despite possible large differences in thought processes. Factor in the added frustration that some people are so hung up on the topics you don’t agree on that they aren’t willing to even let you find a common ground. How do you overcome these differences? How do you work through to the other side of disconnect to achieve connection?
Here is the major difference in her thought pattern and mine…hopefully she will correct me gently if I am wrong.
She wants to find a common ground to have some form of connection to all around us. She finds frustration in trying to get through to people and work past their differences even though she faces severe resistance at times.
I do not.
When I meet someone I feel something that internally gauges whether I want to connect. I don’t need to just because they are close to me. The person could be two feet from me all the time and if the energy isn’t there I don’t care. There are so many more people who have that something in them that I wonder why I would waste my time or energy trying to break down a brick wall. I look past it, walk around it and put it out of my mind.
This is the case with one gentleman in our poly community. He is anti religion, anti government and anti mono. I don’t mind that he feels this way, but he constantly wants to engage me in topics to debate and convert my opinions. I am very honest with him and last time I simply stated that I would not engage him in these topics because it bread negativity. It created negativity because he is so determined to question relentlessly. I do not tolerate some one essentially hounding me. Because we could not get passed our different views and even explore common ground, which I'm sure we have, we simply don’t engage each other anymore even though we are around each other often. No harm, no foul. I accept that we are not compatible so I don’t channel any energy in trying to create some form of connection. We occupy the same space, nothing more.
There are many others in our community that have different views than me and share this gentleman’s own views. We acknowledge and respect each other’s opinions. I see something in them that makes me want to find common ground though. One person in particular is pretty much the exact opposite of me but I am drawn to him in a friendly way. We ended up talking about lucid dreaming, which fascinates both of us and was a shared experience. Who cares about our politics, our approach to love, our wiring…we have a connection that makes us compatible and injects value into our relationship. We can discuss and debate these topics in healthy ways when we mutually chose; not when one of us demands.
I feel connection first and then look for common ground. I don’t seek out common ground to form that connection.
How do I deal with someone who has very different views than my own?
I accept their opinions and if I feel connection I look for that common ground like a pig looking for truffles…. Redpepper is a major case in point. WOW are we different, but wow are we connected!! There is something in her that is worth all the energy I have to find that common ground. Luckily our energies seem synced even when our opinions often don't
The biggest part of that common ground is our energy...our love.
If I don’t feel that connection or sense they intend on persisting on moot points of difference…..I just don’t….I move on. There are way too many people in this world for me to get caught up on trying to connect with one of them unless there is that something about them. I don’t feel the need.
Peace and Love
Mono