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Old 10-28-2012, 02:41 PM
Perseus Perseus is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5
Default At an impasse. Go on alone or go back to mono?

Hey hey,

I need your help.

I'm poly. I understand it, feel it, and don't have (any) problems with it. My partner understands it, intellectually, but doesn't feel it. She experiences the opposite. She is fine as long as nothing happens and when a new girl comes around shit hits the fan, hard. She doens't have much trouble with the physical but more with the emotional side of things.

We are in a four year relationship. It was closed the first two years. Then we talked about opening it. And we did, with her hoping it would get easier for her along the way and with experience.

Funny thing, she was the first to really have a second "partner". It showed her all her fears where irrational. Because she could experience for herself that nothing changed between us when a third person came in to play. I was very happy for her, and for myself, because I believed this would smooth things out in the future.

But... it didn't. At all. No really, not one bit. Every time I met somebody she starts tripping and I would break it off. That happened twice.

I know it wasn't working, my gf knows it isn't working. But we "chose" not to see because we have a very strong fun thing going between us. We love each other. We are best buddies. Sex is great. But I'm poly and she is not. Wishful thinking only gets you so far.

So. Finally seeing reality for what it is; her not being able to do this any longer, we come at a point where I have to make a choice. Either stay with her in a mono, or break up and solo poly (for now).

I'm at an impasse here, and can't seem to make a breakthrough:

1) I could go for mono but I have some concerns about my survivability in a mono relationship. Especially when I look back (at other relationships and breakups) with the knowledge I know possess.

2) Breakup, with... wait I forgot one bit.

With all this stuff going on and the last two years being chaos I have some serious doubts about poly working out in real life outside my head. It's fine to have it in your head/heart but with my current experiences I'm a bit pessimistic about it all. It seems that doing things in secret pays off more than doing it out in the open. So much for honesty working out. Lurking on these forums shows a lot of other people having major issues and not many seem to get it working.

So back to point nr. 2: Break up, but with serious doubts I will get in working in the future. And losing a very special person. The NRE wore off long ago and I can still say she is amazing And does this poly thing even work out?

If anybody could shine a light on this situation? All your opinions are welcome.
Any people who were convinced poly who went successfully back to mono please let me know how you did it!

P.S. I tried to be complete without becoming as boring as watching grass grow. So not all the information is here, if things are confusing please let me know and I will edit/add the needed intel.

Edit: spelling

Last edited by Perseus; 10-28-2012 at 02:45 PM.
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