So last night Sarah had a rough night, feeling like a stranger in her own home as Mike continues to not talk to her much, and she called John. They talked for an hour or so. Phone calls are totally cool, but afterwards while texting with Sarah I told her that both John and I love and support her, but there is a Mike-sized hole in her life right now, and I don't want her to fill it with John. She said she understood and agreed that wasn't what she wants to happen either.
Then today John tells me that the break he and Sarah planned to take after November 4th, they are now starting to think they shouldn't bother to take, because it won't help anything and it will only hurt Sarah, since she feels isolated.
So I said to John - exactly how did you and Sarah come to the conclusion, without talking to me or Mike about it, that a break wouldn't help anything? And also, Sarah has two close friends (other than me) and a mother she can call and talk to about all of this. She's not alone, and depending on John as her primary source of support isn't helpful. It is essentially John filling the Mike-sized hole.
Then (and here's the kicker) he tells me that because he has no one but Sarah and me in his support circle that HE can't go without her, and that makes a break impossible. Major red flag on the field. I was okay with him needing her to be a part of his life, but for her to be his primary source of support is totally not okay.
So I told him he needs to expand his circle of support, with a therapist, a friend he confides in, or some combination, because the break is no longer his call. It will happen, or we will get a divorce.
So now I'm sitting in a bar, drinking wine, and preparing for all possible futures over a cup of soup.
Am I being unreasonable?