Thread: Soul Searching
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Old 10-27-2012, 11:08 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kboz2112 View Post
It's funny in a way, because of the two of us, I am the extrovert social person. I have lots of great friendships that move me very deeply. They just aren't sexual. My wife is more of a home body, introverted, and in the past has had trouble expressing love to me the way I desire it. So the fact that SHE is the one that wants new relationships was very surprising to me.
I've been involved in a number of conversations here about introversion and polyamory and the more I think about it the more that it doesn't surprise me that people like your wife (and me) are drawn to polyamory as a concept.

As an INTJ, I don't want to interact socially with people on any casual type of level. For me, if I am going to let myself get close to someone - then that means that I am going to open myself up all the way. This limits the number of people in my life - which is the way that I like it. However, it also means that we introverts may look to a very few people - spouse, best friend - to fulfill ALL of our social interaction needs that extroverts can utilize their vast array of friends, acquaintances, co-workers etc. to fulfill.

This may also address the common question of "Why am I not enough?" - It's not that one person isn't enough "as a spouse/partner", it's that no one person can possibly be expected to fulfill ALL of the roles - spouse, best friends, close friend, casual friends, hobby-sharers, family etc. that extroverts spread over MANY people and introverts may limit to just a few. Polyamory lets us (me) spread those roles across two or more often complementary people - having different relationship skills and interests - WITHOUT having to let "casual" people into our (my) closely guarded "inner circle".

Thing is - IF I am going to let someone get that close to me, THEN there is a good chance that I will love them and want to share everything (including sex) with them too. I also have trouble expressing love and affection and sex is often a short-cut to intimacy (not saying that it is healthy - just something that I have observed in myself). SOOOO much easier than that whole difficult "talking to people" thing...

Don't know that there was anything particularly useful there, or if your wife's introvert tendencies match my own - just some thoughts I had upon reading your post.

JaneQ
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Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (together 21+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (together 3+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS
TT: poly bi male, married to Lotus, FB with JaneQ
VV and MsJ: bi-women with male primaries, LTR LDR FWBs to JaneQ


My poly blogs on this site:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe

Last edited by JaneQSmythe; 10-27-2012 at 11:21 PM.
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