Thread: Soul Searching
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Old 10-27-2012, 09:09 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 6,267

If both partners are not willing to go there with open hearts and clear desire to go there... don't go there. Def do not go there if you are running away from something you do not want. (ex: afraid to lose partner). Only go there if you are running TOWARD something you actually want.

If both partners are willing but not yet fit to go there (in self esteem, communication skills, conflict resolution skills, time management skills, emotional management skills and a whole host of other "EQ" skill.... don't go there YET. Educate, learn, strengthen first.

My wife has recently come to me about wanting an open marriage. She feels confined by traditional marriage, and wants to explore new sexual relationships. Until she came to me with this a few months ago, I never in a million years would've thought about this. She hasn't started dating anyone yet, but I think she has been talking a guy that lives in our city recently. So I fear I am going to have to decide sooner rather than later if I can handle all of this.
I am bothered your wife springs this on you this way with this speed. Since when does a spouse get to make unilateral decision for the couple?

Was she letting you know all along with clear communication that the marriage was not fitting her well? Was she articulating? Were you listening? Is the marriage good on communication skills? If it is weak in that when there's only 2 players? Opening up will only magnify that weakness where there is more than 2.

Was she planning on any time to prepare you BOTH for this change or just figuring it's "Ask if I can and then let spouse deal with emotional management on their own?"

Avoid the Pitfalls

14 steps to Opening Monogamous Marriage

Have you been presented with what type open model relationship she most wants? What about a model you could best deal with? Where is coming to compromise on that?

If she's not taking you into consideration now at the starting gate? When does she then? It's not like plunging ahead without thinking about how you feel on the journey is going to make you feel EXCITED and WILLING to open up and embrace change is it? Will she also be joining the forum?

But the bottom line is -- if YOU are wired monoamorous and monogamous configurations and do not wish to share your wife in a polyamorous and polygamous configuration with several partners -- DO NOT GO THERE.

It's cleaner to break it up and be friends and co-parents. Then you are each free to seek a romantic partner that fits your needs/style rather than trying to make the other be something you are not.

There is nothing wrong with monoamory or monogamy. Everyone has the right to be how they wish in their romances. Do not compromise a core value if it is a core value for you.

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